Walt Disney - the perverted little genius!

WARNING!!!!! This post contains information that may destroy your childhood!!!!!

Do not read if you are a hard-core Disney fan!!!!!

Parents naturally worry about many things when it comes to their children – especially first time parents. They worry about their child growing up too soon and they want their child to remain as innocent as possible for as long as possible. In order to do this they, try to, protect their children from different things. Some hide violent images (on TV, in films or in games) from their children to stop them from realising the world isn’t the nice, shiny, friendly place they believe it is; others keep the presence of LGBT people a secret – for reasons I don’t quite know; others deny the existence of paedophiles so that their child isn’t fearful of every stranger they meet; some don’t use “bad language” around their child and others use stories of storks and “special hugs” to keep their child innocent about S-E-X. Parents go to such lengths to protect their child’s innocence and then they give them a bath, tuck them into bed and read them fairytales. Or they sit their child in front of the television and play them various Disney movies. All that hard work for nothing eh?

Every adult theme you try to protect your child from, is in those stories/films, along with others you hadn’t even considered. Don’t believe me? I’ll show you.

Snow White

This story begins with a creepy-hot stepmother talking to a mirror and asking it who the hottest person in the land is. When it turns out that her stepdaughter is better looking than she is, she demands that her stepdaughter is killed.

You read this creepy shit to your children! This is basically telling them that looks are the most important things in the world and that you have to be the best looking person ever, otherwise you have nothing in life. Really? Really?!

It gets worse.

This girl finds out about her stepmother’s plot to kill her and she runs away into the woods and breaks into a house. The owners of the house turn out to be 7 men who are named after their most prominent personality trait (weird). Who then take her in and look after her provided that she cooks and cleans for them while they are at work.

CREEPY!!!!! Seriously, if a child was taken in by 7 men and allowed to stay with them as long as she worked for them, the men would not be praised as friends of the child they would be locked up! Little thing called child slavery or a Paedophile ring, depending on your perspective.

Then, continuing the theme of physical beauty being the most important thing in the world, the stepmother magically transforms alters her appearance and tries to poison her stepdaughter!!!!!

Not only does this further force the idea of looks are everything but it also puts kids off of fruit. You wonder why your child doesn’t like eating fruit when you’re telling them stories about how a child gets poisoned with fruit!!!!!

Then this young girl is dead and gets kept in a glass coffin while she waits for a man to come and give her the kiss of life.

Right, so it’s also okay to have intimate moments with dead people. And you wonder why your kids are damaged...

Cinderella

The classic tale of the beautiful girl who lives with her ugly step-relatives and gets treated like a slave. They go to a ball, Fairy Godmother shows up and Cinderella gets to go as well. She meets the prince, runs away, loses a shoe and he tracks her down with the shoe and they live happily ever after.

Where to begin? The emphasis on physical appearance really annoys me. I mean, the stepsisters are actually called the “Ugly Stepsisters” – come on!!!!! Too much focus on how people look and not enough on the whole slavery aspect.

Okay, this one is mainly my bitterness coming through by what ever, it’s a good point!

The Jungle Book

I re-watched this movie when I was about 13, and nearly died from the laughter instilled by the context of this movie.

There are recurring appearances made in this film by a snake that hypnotises Mowgli (the child) and says things to him like: “let me look at you...you don’t want me to look at you? Then, you look at me,”; “I have my own ssubtle little wayss” and he repeatedly says to Mowgli, “trusst in me, you can sleep safe and sound, knowing I am around.” Um, which part of this does not scream “PAEDOPHILE!!!!!” to every parent? Go back and watch it or watch that scene on YouTube and you will hear the blatantly obvious flirtatious tone of Kaa’s voice and if you properly listen to what he’s saying you will be shocked!

You try to protect your child from life’s mass murderers and then you show them this movie which revolves around a creepy, child-killer with a number of skeletons in his closet. Shere Khan, the Bengal Tiger, who spends this entire movie hunting down Mowgli and then he tries to kill him. A wasted effort, if ever there was one.

To every (idiot) parent who wishes to hide gay people from their children – do not show them this film or read them the story, because if you do all of your efforts will be in vain. I, personally, would recommend this movie for all children, but if you’re dead set on encouraging your children to join your hate campaign against a group of loving people then seriously don’t let them see it – wouldn’t want you to go to all that effort for nothing (without being warned first). Bagheera and Baloo are the cutest dysfunctional gay couple in children’s animation. Got to love Disney for their acceptance and inclusiveness – well obviously, you haven’t got to love them, you might want to whip out your “pen of rage” (as Russell Howard would call it).  Promoting equality and tolerance in the subtext of their children’s films.

Beauty & the Beast

Man gets taken by a monster, daughter goes looking, monster trades girl for man so man gets to go free. People plan to kill the Beast but the girl and Beast have fallen in love with each other so she won’t let them get him.

Not going to go into details about the implied drug usage which caused the household appliances and furniture to be able to talk – pretty self-explanatory

What is this? Introduction to Bestiality: Junior Edition? A beautiful girl rejects a man for an animal (who then turns out to be a man, yeah what ever) fact is, she fucked a bear!

Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty: the story of a beautiful baby girl who is wanted by an evil bitch so she hides away in a forest with 3 women so the evil bitch can’t find her. Then once the girl has grown up, the evil bitch finds her, curses her and then a spell is cast on her to make her sleep instead of die (or something) and wouldn’t you know it, the only thing that can wake her up is a kiss from a hot guy. Wow, first time that one’s been told!

These films bug me (in general) because any time someone threatens someone else or tries to kill them, no one phones the police! Strange.

So, this film tells children that child-killers are out there. It also reinforces the idea that women need men to survive – yikes.

Pinocchio

Ah, Pinocchio. Credited for teaching children not to lie, by threatening them with the elongation of their nose. Not credited for teaching children about the existence of kidnappers though is it? I think that’s wrong. I believe a story which alerts children to the reality of people who steal children should get full credit. So, well done Pinocchio. Well done!

The Lion King

Attempts to hide murder from your children are wasted as soon as you let them see this movie or read them the story. This movie contains a scene where a lion is dropped from the top of a rock by his brother who then watches as he falls to his death. This lion is then found by his son.

On what level is this different from actual stories of murder and violence on the news?

Hercules

The Greek myth about a baby who is taken away from his parents (who are gods) and poisoned so that he loses all of his godly-powers. But he keeps is superhuman-strength and is raised by mortals.

He, later, discovers that he is adopted and finds out who his parents are.

NOW, baby poisoning and kidnapping aside, this is where my main problem is. After Hercules finds out who his parents are, he is not allowed to live with them. Why? Because he has to “prove himself” first. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PARENTS ARE THEY?! Parents are meant to love their children unconditionally, all this story does is tell children they need to work to earn your love and if they are not perfect then they will be disowned by their parents. 

What makes me laugh is the parents who complain about gays “promoting homosexuality” when most of these stories blatantly promote heterosexuality. I mean come on! Can’t complain at us when you started it.

So basically, parents, this should tell you one thing. Your efforts to prevent your children from finding out about these things and your attempts at maintaining your child’s innocence are completely, totally, 100% pointless. Due to the fact that you undermine yourself. You hide the news, violent programmes and graphic scenes from your children and then you go and show them these films and/or read them the stories. In conclusion; sucks to be you.

Thanks to "Queenie" ;) for helping me with this