Pick a number and I'll tell you why you're in my heart

Pick a number and I’ll tell you why you’re in my heart.

I have a handful of people who have impacted my life substantially. And although each impact has been in a different way they have all been beneficial. There’s a thing called “overcompensation” that everyone knows about – it’s the guy who buys a flashy car in order to make up for his lack of inches; it’s the extremely closeted lesbian who overly flirts with guys to stop people from working out that she’s gay. My method of overcompensation is my sense-of-humour, my sensitivity (which isn’t my strongest point) and my attempt at giving advice and helping my friends with things. I try to do these things with all of my friends but with the people this is about, I try to do it extremely well because I feel I’m getting a better deal than they are. And these are the reasons that these people deserve this special treatment...

Number 3: For some reason we just clicked a couple of months ago and we’ve been pretty close since then. You’re a total bitch (so proud) who never misses an opportunity to rip the shit out of me for certain things (you know who and what I mean) but you only do it for a laugh. We have our own “little” jokes and we’ve shared a few bitching sessions. You’re a fast learner when it comes to “ding” and I love the banter that comes with it. I know people who can make me laugh but I don’t know anyone who can make me smile like you do – you have this natural charm that just makes people happy, but you do make me laugh as well. One person has described us as being “joined at the hip” which I’m not going to complain about. You’re a strong, intelligent, kind, funny, gorgeous guy who needs to give himself more credit. I envy you for quite a few things, one being that you get all the girls – grrr – but mostly I envy your strength, although I also admire you for it. Your lack of knowledge about just how great you are is one of your most endearing qualities. It’s not been long since our friendship began but it’s progressed rapidly, you are the “Jack” to my “Karen” and I love you to bits. I honestly can’t imagine my life without you now.

Number 4: This time last year we were just beginning our regular banter. Who’d have thought that we’d be here now? You are the funniest guy I know and you have (unknowingly) helped me through really hard times just by using your sense of humour. You’ve brought me into a group of the kindest, most accepting people I’ve ever met and introduced me to another amazing friend – who, without you, I never would’ve met. We’ve had one bust up in the time we’ve been properly friends – which is good going by my standards – but even that couldn’t keep me away from you for long.  You’re a total legend and an absolute babe and the best boss any King/Chief could ask for. You are my gay husband and an absolute star and if we were both men I’d marry you :P

Number 7: You’ve been there for me through the extreme lows and never lost patience with me during the stubborn (and extremely miserable) conversations. You’ve backed me up when I’ve come into conflict with certain “sensitive” people and you’ve always been there when I need to rant and rave about them. We have regular bitches about common annoyances and we collectively investigated a certain person looking for evidence to back up our “theory” about him and his Transformers. You can be quite slow (which I often point out – in a funny, non-offensive kind of way) but you can come out with lines that I would be proud of. We worked together on a project that meant the world to me and we took on the work of the whole group in order to get it done properly and on time. You also tolerated my bitchy, dictatorship in that project and reminded me to have fun with it as well. You’re a hard worker, a good friend and someone who appreciates my worship of Tony. You’re also my workout buddy – occasionally and (even though we regularly discuss your lack of brain cells) we both know you’ve got a fully functioning and intelligent head on those shoulders (above your neck obviously – that phrase pisses me off).

Number 9: I can honestly say you are my most trusted friend. I’ve told you things I have never trusted anyone else enough to tell them and I haven’t got a single ounce of regret about telling you – which is something new. You have – without knowing it – vastly reduced my self-loathing and the shame I had about my sexuality, and you have given me an extreme boost of pride. Our (minor) telepathic connection makes conversations with you practically unnecessary and if it wasn’t for the vast amounts of entertainment I get from having them then we wouldn’t need to bother because we could both (accurately)predict the other’s remarks. You seem to trust me with things and you tolerate my worst habits without becoming too aggravated. You have quick wit (sometimes), you’re insanely gorgeous and you have a dazzling smile – you’re also going to hate me for saying this, but fuck it. My life has improved greatly since you’ve become a major part of it and I hope you continue to be in my life for as long as you can tolerate me and all my insecurities, paranoia, excessive rambling and inappropriate humour when I become nervous – which I know can be annoying.

Number 11: Wow! We just seemed to get each other on a humour basis. The banter could go on for a long time because we both knew the other was kidding and we both knew where the line was. And your great qualities didn’t stop there. As I got to know you a little more I began to see the more sensitive side to you: the loyal friend and pushy match-maker. The praise you get from a certain mutual friend of ours (you know who I’m talking about) made me want to know you more and the support you’ve shown her and the kindness you’ve shown me has significantly improved my opinions of the straight community. Your extreme intelligence makes me jealous (which I’m not ashamed to admit) and I hope the banter keeps on rolling. I should also add, you are rather hot – waste of a girl (JOKES, you are hot but you know...awkward...).

Number 24: Well, what can I say that you don’t already know? We have quite a bit of history – mostly good. We’ve shared moments of humour, moments with a more serious tone and some I will never forget. We’ve annoyed the shit out of each other at times and disagreed on things but our friendship has remained intact through all of that. You’ve been an important part of my life and I’ll treasure (most of) my memories of you forever.