Christianity - Really?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

“I'm working on a book at the moment, it's about a zombie that comes back from the dead, but the twist is, the zombie is the good guy. But apparently it's already been written...

It's called the Bible” – Jimmy Carr.

Seriously, what is the point in religion? Does it even have one? Seems to me that most religions are based on hatred and arrogance, even when they preach love.  There are so many different ways of telling the same stories. That’s all they are...stories. And they all go “we are right, they are wrong”. Well – prepare to follow some insane logic – if you say you are right and they are wrong and they say that they are right and you are wrong, and not everyone can be right then this just proves that everyone is wrong.

Christianity is the religion I know most about and I’m taking this opportunity to point out why it’s a...what’s a nice way of putting it... complete crock of shit – in my opinion of course. More specifically, this is about the Christians who use their religion to excuse their ignorance and behaviour.

God is omnibenevolent and just.

Here is one argument where Christians, pretty much, lose on every level.

So, God is great huh? He’s fair and just and always loving? So, based on this idea, if God is fantastically kind, gentle and pure, surely he would never do anything wrong, right? Okay.

And people can talk to him, right? And you say people who have experienced personal revelations cannot be proved right or wrong because it is a direct personal experience only had by that individual? Fair enough.

Now, here is why you’re wrong. I think pretty much every person (with an adequately functioning brain) would agree that Adolph Hitler was an evil little, (to quote Eddie Izzard) “genocidal fuckhead”, yes?

Well, Hitler claimed to be in contact with God and to be doing God’s work while he was following through with his campaign of hatred and killing millions of people. So, if he was telling the truth (which no one can say otherwise, as it was a direct personal experience which no one else could witness, which means no one can disprove him) then God can’t be the pure, fair and loving person you claim he is. He was in charge of the greatest act of evil in modern history; he commanded Hitler to order others to murder people. How can you say God is loving and kind if he was in charge of something so hateful?

And if you say Hitler wasn’t in communication with God then that means that not all direct personal experiences of revelation are true. If this is the case then I’d like to ask, how do you tell the real ones from the fakes? And how do you know that there are any real ones?

Either way, you are wrong about something.

Point 2 regarding God’s kind-nature. You say God is great and lovely and perfect. I disagree, assuming he is real, he is a sick fucker! He created a world where creatures can only survive by consuming other living things. Proof: Lions hunt and kill weaker animals in order to live; Giraffes eat leaves off of trees – trees are living too; Humans eat meat, fruit and vegetables which are alive until we shoot them, pick them, or pull them from the ground. Everything has to commit murder in order to live – on what level is that loving and fair? In what universe is that kind...oh wait, apparently it’s lovely in God’s universe.

  

Point 3 regarding God being utterly perfect. Someone has to be wrong here, because apparently, God is perfect (therefore he makes no mistakes) and God loves all of his creations (which is everything and everyone). Then why do certain Churches stand up and discriminate against the LGBT community and say that “God hates fags” and that gays are sick, unnatural, perverted and “against, God’s will”? Because, if he is real then he created us and if he is perfect (as you so claim) then he did it on purpose.

So we have a few options here:

1) He’s real and not perfect.

2) He’s real and doesn’t love all of his creations (in which case, why create us?)

3) He’s not real and we’re here due to some difference in our biochemistry or our

     social surroundings.

 Either way – you’re wrong about something.

Is more proof needed in the case of “God is not the righteous, fair, kind and loving figure you assume he is but he is, in fact, a lying, evil, twisted, sick, little creep who needs serious mental health treatment”? Okay then, here’s some more.

Deuteronomy 22: 28-29 - “If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father.  Then he must marry

the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be

allowed to divorce her.”

OH, HOLY FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, someone, explain to me what kind of loving, caring person would force a victim of rape to marry her attacker and remain with him forever? How is that kind on any level? That is sick and cruel. You bring me one woman who has been raped and her attacker and – if she can handle being in the same building as him without having a nervous breakdown due to the trauma – I will ask her if she would marry this man (if he pays her Father, of course). Bet you anything she would call you every name under the sun and a couple of hours later a very strong person would be at your door beating the shit out of you (regardless of whether she’d already done it herself. And if that wasn’t bad enough, seems like Mr. God-man up there thinks that you can get away with anything if you fork over enough cash for it – look at that, the law is wrong, bribery should not be illegal because God says it’s okay.

And the sickness doesn’t stop there. Oh no! Not only does God not care about rape victims he also loves a good killing doesn’t he? Even, killing children:

Hosea 9:11-16 – The glory of Israel will fly away like a bird, for your children will die at birth or perish in the womb or never even be conceived.  Even if your children do survive to grow up, I will take them from you.  It will be a terrible day when I turn away and leave you alone.  I have watched Israel become as beautiful and pleasant as Tyre.  But now Israel will bring out her children to be slaughtered."  O LORD, what should I request for your people?  I will ask for wombs that don't give birth and breasts that give no milk.  The LORD says, "All their wickedness began at Gilgal; there I began to hate them.  I will drive them from my land because of their evil actions.  I will love them no more because all their leaders are rebels.  The people of Israel are stricken.  Their roots are dried up; they will bear no more fruit.  And if they give birth, I will slaughter their beloved children." 

Ensuring that women can’t conceive; making it so women can’t feed their children (if they are lucky enough to have any); making sure no one can eat; slaughtering children? And this is your “good guy” – fucking hell! I’d hate to see what you believe the Devil is capable of; I mean God has murder and rape covered. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously? This is what you put your faith and trust into? I would’ve thought anything would be preferable to this...

“How the world was made.”

Okay let’s cut the bullshit and get straight to the point. In Christianity, the opinion of how the planet was created is called the “Story of Creation” and this is the part where Biblical Literalists really show themselves up as the ignorant, simpletons who are so blinded by their faith that they cannot see how wrong they are.

Biblical Literalists believe that the world is 6,000 years old, and when faced with a fossil that is (known to be) at least 70 million years old, they stick to “no, that fossil is 6000 years old”. Some of them have even gone to the extent of saying that dinosaurs lived in the Garden of Eden with Adam & Eve, 6000 years ago. I’m sorry – well, actually, I’m not but anyway – the idea that dinosaurs were around and living with Adam & Eve (humans) is ridiculous! If Adam & Eve did live with the dinosaurs then they sure as hell wouldn’t have lived to be more than 900 years old.

AND humans wouldn’t be around now because we would’ve died out with them (you know, if they didn’t eat us first) – DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one was around when the world was started so no one is 100% sure about how it happened so what makes you think that many people writing out a story over 1000s of  years got it right? Even scientists call the Big Bang Theory a theory because they could be proved wrong at any point – and that is based on evidence not just a story. Also, the amount of changes made to the Bible by vicious wannabe-dictators (a.k.a. Popes) means that anything in it could be twisted and altered – I don’t understand how you can set your mind to believing that story and teach your children to do so too.

Humans are the best:

Really? Because Darwin didn’t seem to think so.

Good old Charles Darwin, gave up on Christianity when his research revealed it was bullshit.

And the Creationists really – and I mean REALLY – don’t like him or anyone who agrees with him and his research (you know what research is, it’s when you look for evidence to back up your ideas – it’s kind of like what early Christians did with the Bible only...not).

Mr Darwin removed the idea of there being a designer of the world. He showed that every species evolved from something else, there was no fixity of species (there is no unique species that has never been something else). This pissed the Literalists right off because they believed that God was the designer and they argued and stated “God designed the world” and Darwin’s theory of Evolution just showed that there is no designer and that means no God.

But, what really pissed them off was him stating in his book – and according to wise Mr Izzard, “That book was called ‘monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, you’” – that (as the title suggests) humans were descendent from monkeys. OUCH! That had to hurt. The bible states that humans were the superior creation and they were brilliant and created in God’s image. Old Charlie-boy pretty much shattered Genesis 1 – 3.

He also revealed (among many other things) that humans are just animals and are not superior to all other animals on the planet – fact. Christians didn’t like that idea very much because according to Genesis 1, humans have dominion over all other animals and can do as they wish with those animals, and if Genesis says it then it must be so. I mean if Genesis can be proven wrong in one area then it can easily be proven wrong in general.

Darwin’s theory of Evolution by Natural Selection just turns the idea of an omnibenevolent and perfect God to shit. This theory states that nature is a case of “survival of the fittest”; the strongest of each species continues on while the weak ones are killed and die out which helps each species go from strength to strength. On what level is that kind – creating something just so it can die? And how is it perfect – surely, if God was designing creatures he wouldn’t make the weak ones he’d go straight from the best version of each animal, wouldn’t he?

“You shall not steal”

Good start Bible writers – begin with complete and total hypocrisy. They preach that people should not steal from others, funny, they obviously forgot that rule when they were stealing bits and pieces of other creatively, mind-numbingly, boring systems (religions) and creating their own sordid, little, system of rejection and prejudice (religion). In the words of Eddie Izzard there were, “all these Pagan religions, and Christians went *boom, splat* that seems to fit.” They took the bits they liked and no one else could have them for example (more Izzardian wisdom); “Christmas is when we remember Chris – and how he so brilliantly landed on that pagan ritual of being born on the 25^th of December.” It is amazing how the figure head of Christianity managed to be born on the date of a Pagan festival, isn’t it? An amazing and (ironically) magical coincidence, don’t you think?

Catholics and their precious Pope:

Saved the best until last.

Everyone knows about the scandal surrounding the Catholic Church so I won’t bore you with details. Now, rape is disgusting. Raping young children is appalling (to say the least) and I am horrified by the entire thing. But what really gets me is the Pope. This man is supposed to be the closest thing to God that we can get on Earth. He knows what God wants and what God thinks. Pope Benedict XVI (a.k.a. vicious, vile, evil prick or Benny) is guilty of defending (supposed) paedophiles. He allowed them to keep their jobs and remain spending time with children. You cannot claim that this man is god-like without being accepting of paedophilia.

How on Earth can you still see him as a sacred figure? He is a fucking evil bastard that should be locked up for life. Ignore the whole question of God for this bit I’m more focused on the Prick. He defended, protected and supported those priests even though he knew they had been sexually abusing children. He did not allow them to be punished – yet you still worship him, look up to and admire him and see him as a moral and righteous figure, WHAT THE FUCK?!

A man goes into a village shop and brutally murders the person behind the till. Another man, standing outside sees everything that happens yet when the police arrive he doesn’t tell them who the man was or even what he looked like or which direction he ran off in. I think we can all agree that man is as bad as the murderer, yes?

Based on this, that fucking precious Pope of yours is just as evil as the rapists he protected.

ANYONE in ANY JOB who covers up for ONE paedophile is an evil twat. But one man who covers for MANY paedophiles and puts HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of children in danger is a complete and total CUNT!!!!!!!!!! Are you seriously going to tell me that this man is the closest thing to the perfect God that you preach about? The amazing and loving God you say I should worship? Rape is your definition of perfect and loving?

It makes sense, I mean, if we look back at the bible passages I’ve put in here we’ve got one about how God is in favour of rape and how he loves killing children, so it makes total sense that raping children would be in the G-man’s top 5 favourite activities.

Want to know the ironic thing. The popular line these bastards use to condemn homosexuals is this: “If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.” This line was originally written in Hebrew (like the rest of the Bible). Now, in it’s original form the word used for “man” meant a man of any age. However, the word used for “male” referred to a male child. So the line actually says, “If an adult man lies with a male child as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.” So priests have kept their jobs, been defended by the Pope even though they disobeyed the words in the Bible. Hypocrisy much?

Tim Minchin perfectly (and I’m using that word correctly) sums up my feelings about the Pope and the paedophile ring he protects:

“Fuck the motherfucker and fuck you motherfucker
If you're still a motherfucking papist 
If he covered for a single motherfucker who's a kiddie fucker,
Fuck the motherfucker he's as evil as the rapist.”

By the way, I would like to add (including this one) there are 6 passages in the Bible which condemn homosexuality, there are 362 which condemn heterosexuality – so, can’t go bitching at us because “God” hates you more. 

Anyway, there will be more reasons regarding why I think religion is a crock of old shit but these are the ones I can think of just now. I could probably write 20 pages on why Christianity is a sordid, scheme of manipulation and brain washing but this will do for now. I would like to state that people say that Science and Religion can work together and they probably can but that cannot be confused with Science and Faith because (here’s more Timboian wisdom): “Science adjusts it’s views based on what’s observed. Faith is the denial of observation so that belief can be preserved.”

Just in case – for some reason – a Catholic person has stumbled upon this and been offended, feel free to leave a comment and tell me that. But before you do, I’d like you to read a bit more of my favourite Tim Minchin song, because I cannot, possibly, even attempt to say it as eloquently as he has:

“If it made you feel angry go ahead and write a letter
But if you find me more offensive then the fucking possibility
Of the pope protecting priests when they where getting fucking fiddly
Then listen to me motherfucker, this here is a fact
You are just as morally misguided as that motherfucking
Power hungry, self-aggrandised, bigot in the stupid fucking hat.”

References:

Jimmy Carr - Twitter: @jimmycarr - website: jimmycarr.com 

Eddie Izzard- Twitter: @eddieizzard- website: eddieizzard.com

Tim Minchin- Twitter: @timminchin - website: timminchin.com

Dedicated to Jo-anna because she's just properly come out and I'm so proud of her :D
Rainbowfied it just for you :)