“AIDS isn’t that big of a problem anymore”

I’ve just watched an interview and heard the above statement being made by a girl who is currently rehearsing for an upcoming (amateur) production of “RENT” and I cannot believe my ears. My jaw literally dropped when I heard those words come out of her mouth. HIV/AIDS awareness is a cause which is very important to me and “RENT” is one of my favourite shows – partly for that reason. I am appalled by the thought of someone with that opinion playing a main part in this show.

For those who don’t know “RENT” is a rock opera (based on an opera which is based on a novel) focused on a group of seven friends living in New York, four of them are living with AIDS and (SPOILER ALERT) one of them dies. It deals with many other issues, such as: love, loss, poverty, drug use and friendship. However, this show is credited with improving awareness of HIV/AIDS and also educates people about living with the disease – my favourite thing about the original production is that it dispels the stereotypes many have about the “type of people” who have AIDS as the 4 characters with it differ in gender; ethnicity and sexuality. It is a powerful show which has a strong message and is of high educational value, so to have someone who is, not only taking part in the show but is playing a main character and claiming it is her “dream come true” say that “AIDS isn’t that big of a problem anymore” is utterly disgusting!

In 2010 there were 1.8million deaths due to AIDS and 2.7million people were diagnosed HIV+ (roughly 390,000 of which were children) [1] - while these numbers are an improvement on previous years it is still a large amount of people. The words, “not that big of a problem” cause me to wonder how many deaths are needed before it is a big problem. One person kills another and it’s a massive problem, so why is a disease allowed to take the lives of millions and still get shrugged off? I am furious that this girl is proclaiming her love for “RENT” whilst not understanding the importance of a main theme and would rather focus on the “love and loss” that is portrayed. Yes, those are two other major themes in the show but it is not why it is so successful – there are plenty of novels, plays, musicals, songs, operas etc. about love and loss, “RENT” is different. “RENT” shows the impact AIDS has on the lives of the people who have it and those who care about them. It shows the symptoms they deal with and gives insight into how they cope day-to-day by featuring a support group in some of the scenes. “RENT” also shows the isolation some people have to deal with when they are diagnosed – for example when Roger is surprised that Angel is going to the support group on Christmas Day and Angel says, “some people don’t have anywhere else to go today”. So to sit there and publicly declare your love for a show; to call it your dream and dismiss a very important (to some people, the most important) element of the show is unbelievably ignorant and just goes to show you how poorly educated some people are on the issue.

Even though I’ve been referring to this one girl’s comments I do not place all of the blame on her. As pointed out to me by a friend, the director of the show should have set aside some time to educate his cast on the issues raised in the show – either by researching it himself and discussing it with them or getting someone to come and speak about it – I happen to know there is a branch of Gay Men’s Health less than 15 minutes away from their rehearsal space and the volunteers there would have been more than happy to help in someway. If, for what ever reason, the director did not want to do this then he should have edited out that comment – the video interview of this girl had music and images added to it, anyone with any amount of common sense should have realised that a comment like “AIDS isn’t that big of a problem anymore” would cause offence; spark outrage and (from a purely professional point of view) reduce ticket sales to his production.

Comments and criticisms are welcome. Thanks for reading.

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[1] http://www.unaids.org/en/media/unaids/contentassets/documents/unaidspublication/2011/jc2216_worldaidsday_report_2011_en.pdf

“You just don’t joke about things like rape”.

Not the most inviting title, I know, and I’m preparing myself for the event of people hating me for my opinions on this matter. Although, if I manage to express myself accurately then this shouldn’t be an issue. I will state now, I do not think rape is funny. It’s a serious issue and a brutally horrific crime.

That being said, I do not think it is off limits when it comes to comedy.

I saw, online, a post of a screen shot of a girl who (on facebook) had updated her status with a joke written by Jimmy Carr, “I don’t like to call it rape, I prefer the term...struggle snuggle” – she neglected to say that it was his joke and didn’t even have it in quotes, this bugged me – and anyone who reads this and knows me is probably groaning at the fact that I’m YET AGAIN talking about Jimmy Carr. Anyway, this status was followed by people criticising the girl for making light of rape but also by people proclaiming genuine belief that rape was not a big deal. One girl commented saying how she had been raped and that’s why she didn’t find the joke funny – she was then met with ridicule from the others. Now, this post I’m writing is not about these people but I will just say: they disgust me. Anyone who genuinely believes rape, in itself, is funny needs to be seriously educated and sterilised. These screenshots were commented on with people saying that everyone in the screenshots who finds rape funny is sick. And after a few of those, this comment appeared:

This is when I became part of a minority. The final statement really annoyed me and that’s why it’s the title of this post. I responded to this person, purely regarding that final sentence and nothing else and asked, in more words than this, “why not?”

Comedy serves a purpose, in my opinion, it makes people laugh and releases endorphins BUT it also brings certain topics and ideas into a social situation. Usually when people are discussing serious issues they are presented in the format of a lecture and it is, ironically enough, forced upon people. Comedy, on the other hand, brings these topics up in an informal setting and makes people think about them without actually forcing any opinions on anyone. Most people don’t actually realise that they are thinking about these things – it’s subtle, yet effective.

If you restrict the topics which are allowed to be tackled with comedy then, in my opinion, you increase the stigma attached to it. Saying you can’t make jokes about rape emphasises the idea of “pity the victim”. You are implying that these people are too precious and sensitive to handle these jokes and quite frankly, I think that’s more offensive than any joke made by Jimmy Carr or any similar comedians. Did anyone ever stop to think that fans of this type of comedy may have been raped? Limiting what you are and are not allowed to say about rape also makes it seem like these people are rape victims and nothing else.

Also, saying “no you can’t talk about this” is censorship. Live comedy has no limitations on it which is addressed in another of Carr’s jokes,

“according to Ofcom, the most offensive words on TV are the ‘f-word’ and the ‘c-word”. But I’m live on stage this evening, so I can say what ever the fuck I like. And those cunts can’t do anything about it!”

Now, if you take this freedom away from comedians the gigs will not be as good; their job will not be done properly and attending a comedy gig will seem redundant because it’ll just be a repeat of anything you see on TV. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN! Anyone who hasn’t been to a comedy gig, cannot imagine the benefits of going. The atmosphere is immense and everyone is there to have a good time so there very few fights.

On a more serious note, if you take this free-range away from comedians, you increase the fear of the topic. People who say “no, don’t laugh at that” just reinforce the idea that it’s a big bad thing that should never be spoken about. With more fear associated with things like rape, it becomes taboo. In fear of offending or upsetting people, it will not be spoken about. And it NEEDS TO BE SPOKEN ABOUT. Not speaking about something, doesn’t make it go away. And the idea that people making jokes about rape, makes it acceptable is complete horse shit – there is no other way I can think of to describe it. If you hear a joke about rape and that makes you think it’s an acceptable thing to do, you are, in all seriousness, a complete and utter moron who should not be allowed to have children. You have some serious mental issues to work out. There is NO CHANCE of a joke about rape making rape an acceptable thing to do. The vast majority of people are repulsed by it – and those who aren’t will soon be in jail, because they’re the ones carrying it out.

I’ve had people say to me that rape is a horrible thing and if you make jokes about it then you are accepting it and agreeing that rape is funny. To that I say, one of my favourite jokes is, “a baby can drown in 4 inches of water...but you might as well run a bath”. Does that mean I accept the murder of babies and agree that it is funny? If you answered yes to that question and actually know me then you need to re-examine why you’re in my life and then get out. Of course I don’t think a baby dying is funny – it’s horrific. But that joke is funny.

I’ve had someone say to me, “if you’d been raped, you wouldn’t find it funny. You’d feel like they were making fun of you”. Actually, no, I’d like to think that being raped would not remove the understanding I have of how these jokes work. Things that I’ve been through, things that I am, get joked about by comedians, like Jimmy Carr, A LOT, it doesn’t offend me because I know how the jokes work; I know why they’re funny; I know where the comedy is coming from and I know that I am not being targeted. These two jokes I’m about to type out, do not effect me but they are good examples of the point I’m trying to make.

“A snakebite won’t kill you...unless of course you’re allergic to cider.”

This joke is works on a couple of levels – one of which is surprise. The first half is the feed-line which builds your expectations of the topic of the joke – in this case, makes you think it’s about snakes. The punch-line, on the other hand, defies your expectations, catches you by surprise and therefore makes you laugh.

“If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.”

Now, this joke is deemed more offensive and is seen as being about poverty and ridiculing the sick. NO! It’s works in the same way as the previous joke. You expect it to be about saving sick people in an impoverished country but nope, got you again, it’s about something else.

Comedians make jokes about things that happen in the world, as long as they happen there will be jokes. It has also been said to me that people may not be intelligent enough to realise that these jokes are making fun of rapists, not the victims and not rape – in case this needs explained to anyone, how pathetic and weak does “struggle snugglist” sound? You feel stupid just saying it. And how pathetic are rapists? Tah dah! Anyway, if people can’t work out what these jokes are about then that’s their problem. I have no issue explaining jokes to people, if they don’t understand but their lack of understanding is not reason enough to restrict the comedian – he/she has done nothing wrong.

 Another point – and I realise I’ve been going on a while – I have noticed that only certain jokes about rape are complained about. Carr does another joke,

“my girlfriend said to me during sex, ‘did you lock the front door’ ‘yeah there’s no way you’ll escape’”.

This joke doesn’t tend to receive any sounds of disapproval however, it is also about rape.

“I said to my girlfriend, ‘do you want to experiment with a role-play, rape fantasy?’ She said, ‘No!’ I said, ‘that’s the spirit!”

Another roar of laughter, no sound of disapproval. Also a joke about rape. Why are these jokes acceptable but the first one is not? They are all about rape.

Finally, making jokes about rape does not mean you are joking about rape. There is a big difference between the two. And if you don’t like this type of comedy then don’t watch it. Simple as.

If anything in this post has offended you then I hope you aren’t still reading this because no one’s forcing you and you’re just creating your own misery.

Thanks to all who provided their opinions for me to respond to. Open to comments and prepared for disagreements.

Teaching Students a Lesson (if they pay attention)

Tell me this. Why is it that Teachers get such a hard time?

Don’t get me wrong, I have a big problem with some teachers I had BUT that is a specific problem with specific people. In general I think they do a good job. Others, however, seem to disagree and broadcast highly inaccurate opinions followed by “I blame the teachers” or preceded by “Teachers don’t...” It’s ridiculous!

I was in a tutorial at University today and the tutor was saying that some students have an issue with the critical thinking aspect of Sociology. One of the mature students responded to her by saying “that’s because teachers don’t tell pupils how to do it. Kids are just sat down and told stuff and not allowed to ask questions”.  Now, this might just be my experience of school but I wasn’t only “allowed to ask questions” I was actively encouraged to do so. In fact a lot of the teachers I had, were annoyed that I didn’t talk more (actually really funny how most people in my class were told to stop talking and then at parent’s evening my Mum or Dad would be told “she needs to talk more”). We were asked for our opinions on issues. English lessons, in my experience, were about looking at a poem or piece of prose and taking it apart and studying it. It was about our interpretations and opinions of things. There was a whole term dedicated to debating and persuasive writing. History essays were about taking the question, covering the topic and stating whether the question was accurate or not. Example:

“The power of the Tsarist state was relatively unchanged after the 1905 Revolution.”

How accurate is this view?

The essay that you were to write for this question was structured along these lines:

1)        Introduction

2)      Reasons why the view COULD BE accurate

3)      More reasons supporting the statement

4)      Reasons against the statement

5)      More reasons against the statement

6)      Conclusion which summarises the essay

Where in this is the lack of critical thinking? Where is the lack of education towards critical thinking? English; Modern Studies; Religious, Moral and Philosophical Studies are the same. So no, as far as I’m concerned kids are not “just sat down and told stuff”. And they ARE allowed to ask questions and they ARE taught how to think critically. I mean in English the essays were called “Critical Evaluations”!

This kind of thing has happened before. A couple of weeks ago we were talking about essay structure and how some students can’t structure a sentence properly and how the standards of grammar and spelling are poor among a lot of students (without any disability causing it) and yet again one of the older students in the class (who repeatedly says things like “I done it” which severely annoys me) said “that’s because teachers don’t correct them or spend enough time on it while they’re in school” (local dialect and spoken errors have been changed because it pains me to type them). My first point in this is, “you’re over 30 what’s your excuse? And no, being from Dundee is not a good excuse”. Moving away from the slightly childish personal attacks and onto the facts (yes that almost rhymes!) Teachers do focus on spelling throughout primary and then in Secondary school they focus on it more. And it’s not just English teachers who focus on it, any class which involves writing essays (or writing anything for that matter) have some focus on spelling and grammar. I think the only class with no focus on it is Maths.

Regardless of this, Teachers should not be held responsible for every aspect of a child’s education. Parents/guardians (should) play a key role in their child’s education – primary school kids get spelling homework and regular spelling tests (at least we did in the 3 primary schools I went to) parents can help with that. If they don’t get this homework then parents can help them learn how to spell things properly. As for the essay structure comment I think I made my point in the last paragraph that essay structure does get taught.

For this next bit to make sense I should point out that the people making these comments are Scottish, born, raised and (somewhat) educated. During a discussion about Sociology in general the tutor pointed out that if you want to do Sociology you need to keep up with current events; read newspapers and have an interest in it. She also said that she is appalled by the lack of knowledge students, doing Sociology (and related courses) have of current events. Cue a one of the students chiming in with “that’s because they aren’t taught current events at school”. This was said a couple of weeks ago and it still annoys me. There is a class taught in Secondary schools in Scotland (I’d never heard of it until I moved back here so I assume it’s just here) called “Modern Studies”. Now, if the name doesn’t give it away this subject consists of: politics; current events; social issues and things like that. Every secondary school student (at my school at least) is taught this for two years and then they can choose to continue with it in 3^rd year. This subject IS Sociology minus all the theories. It’s about thinking critically, learning about the society you live in and – wait for it – CURRENT EVENTS! There is no way that kids do not get the opportunity to learn about this. And if, by chance, some kids don’t have this option then how about the parents/guardians get them to watch the news or parents/guardians sit and read the newspaper with their kids. It’s not rocket science!

This student also tagged on a comment about how kids know nothing about Scottish history and that they don’t know the trouble people went through to enable the rights and freedom we have today and that’s why they won’t fight for it. Well excuse you! Key subject taught in schools is History. The topics I remember studying in Secondary school include (but are not limited to): Migration in Scotland; Development of Trade Unions and the Suffragists & Suffragettes; Political activity in the years leading up to the Second World War and World War Two. So now tell me that kids don’t get taught this stuff.

My final little rant will be that you cannot blame Teachers for everything. You also can’t blame the lack of parental involvement for everything. They (Teachers, parents and guardians) can only do so much. I know it sounds like a cop-out used by the education system to avoid blame but there are some kids who just do not want to learn. And this is coming from someone who went to school with them. Parents who blame teachers for their kid doing badly (without putting any blame on the kid or themselves) have obviously forgotten those kids in school who mess around, shout abuse at the teacher and other pupils and spend more time in the Head Teacher’s office than in a classroom. Some parents were those kids. If kids were interested in current events they’d ask for a newspaper or go online; if they were interested in history they could go to a library or go online; if they were interested in proper spelling and grammar then they’d practise until they got it right (and don’t tell me that no kid wants to spend time learning how to spell properly because I did). Fact of the matter is if kids are interested, they will learn or at least try to.

I’m not saying schools and teachers are perfect, I’m also not saying that they shouldn’t be blamed for anything. I’m just saying that if people (not just kids) aren’t interested then they won’t learn. It infuriates me when these comments are made and if it happens next week I will say something because I’ve had enough of it. It is totally ignorant and, to put it bluntly, stupid to blame teachers for all of this. Just like rap music isn’t to blame for youth crime – teachers are not to blame for every educational problem.

My First Love

Can’t bring myself to hate you,

No matter how I’ve tried.

Regardless of all the pain,

And all the times I’ve cried.

I’d say you were the one,

If I believed it to be true.

But that’s exactly what you are,

Depending on your point of view.

The one who really knew me,

The one who stole my heart.

The one to build my confidence,

And then tear it all apart.

Left my self-esteem lower,

Than it was before.

Cheated and you lied,

Then you walked right out the door.

My heart was taken and shattered,

You put it to the test.

Forged the pieces into a dagger,

Then stabbed me in the chest.

Mind-games are your specialty,

Breaking hearts is just for fun.

And yet I don’t dislike you,

Even with all you’ve done.

I took some time away from you,

To recover from what took place.

And just as I began to heal,

You chose to show your face.

Some time later and here I am,

Exactly where I started.

Not a step forward has been made,

Since the day we parted.

I’ll move on and I’ll progress,

That’s what people say.

And every night I go to sleep,

I hope to see that day.

Though some feelings will remain,

That we can be sure of.

As that always happens.

With someone and their first love.

"How often do I tell you I love you?" "Every day, it's implied"

I was watching an amazing show last night. One of my favourites actually. “Criminal Minds”. If you haven’t heard of it go look it up; if you haven’t watched it well, I highly recommend it. It’s an amazing programme about a department of the FBI called the “Behavioural Analysis Unit” (BAU) – which is a real thing and the stories are based on real cases or at least inspired by them. The BAU are a team of people who look at the psychology behind crime and use previous research and their knowledge to build a profile of what a criminal would be like and this profile is then used to catch the criminal. It’s not always a happy ending but that’s part of the reason I like it, it also helps that Psychology is an astounding subject and I have a strange fascination with crime. Anyway, I cannot do this programme justice, just go watch it and this is not the point of this post.

During the episode “Exit Wounds” (S5E21), my ultimate favourite character in the history of characters, Penelope Garcia the Technical Analyst (played by the earth-shatteringly perfect Kirsten Vangsness) had a little heart-to-heart with her best friend (and co-worker) Derek Morgan. Now, usually I watch these two and I think “I would love a friendship like that”. In fact, I think I’ve spent most of my life looking for one person who would give me the kind of support that those two give each other. They have incredible banter but are more than capable of having serious conversations; they trust each other and love each other unconditionally. This time I watched it and thought “wait...I have that”.

I don’t know why but I relate to Garcia pretty well so naturally when thinking about having this kind of friendship I always looked for my “Morgan”. I was looking at it wrong. When I think about it I have more in common with Morgan than I do Garcia, and the more I think about it, the more I see it – his skills, his passion, his flirtatious nature and his past. Which is sad really – and anyone who knows the show will know why that’s sad – but if you’re going to be like anyone then why not a fiercely loyal crime fighter?

More to the point, here’s what struck me. Garcia is extremely funny; very intelligent; highly skilled at what she does; independent and creative. She wears bright colours and rarely wears weather appropriate clothing – she wears what she likes and likes what she wears. She’s an actress as well as a keyboard tapping genius. She’s got a troubled past but looks for the bright side in every situation because she knows how dark things can get. If you upset her you know about it. More to the point Garcia brings light into a room and a smile to everyone’s face and she’s a Whovian.

Morgan, on the other hand, is very flirtatious; witty; loyal; distrustful; passionate about what he does and he’s a martial artist. He protects the people he cares about without a thought to his own safety; he would do anything for his friends and is very secretive about his past and will only talk about it when he has to.

If you watch their relationship you’ll see that they flirt with each other frequently; while some see their relationship as inappropriate it’s just the way they communicate and they have fun. It doesn’t mean anything other than “I’m comfortable around you ergo banter time”

Examples of their flirting:

“Derek Morgan: You know that's not my thing. I'm more for in room entertainment. 
Penelope Garcia: Well, I can't help you there. But I do give good phone.”

“Derek Morgan: Every day I say 'Good morning' and every morning you say 'I'll show you a good morning, hotstuff.'”

“Derek Morgan: Garcia, baby girl, please tell me something I wanna hear. 
Penelope Garcia: You're a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder. 
Derek Morgan: How about something I don't already know. 
Penelope Garcia: I have a sweet tooth?”

Sexual harassment is not a thing as far as they are concerned. They can talk about work but you’re damn sure they’ll be laughing and joking no matter how bad the situation, it’s just what they do. In my opinion, there is no chance of them being anything more than friends which is good because that’s how they work best. They confide in and comfort each other. She finds out things about his past and it doesn’t change the way she sees him (which gives me hope for if I’m in that situation with my “Garcia”). He knows about her life and just appreciates the beauty she sees and the quirks she has.

People who know me will have probably worked out who my Garcia is and if that person is reading this, I hope they know too. To sum up this relationship: Garcia always brings a smile to Morgan’s face and constantly (if unintentionally) finds new ways to cheer him up and she is completely ignorant to just how fantastic she is (even though she makes jokes about her brilliance). And Morgan...well, he would do literally anything to protect her. Legal or otherwise. And you really don’t want to test the validity of that unless you have a very good Doctor.

Anon hate: Cut it out!

Recently, whilst browsing around, I came across this post:

                                      Since this message was aimed at a teenager this post will be about teenagers

Now, I’ve seen this kind of thing before. Some shameful coward trolling through social networking sites looking for the next target for his/her spiteful venom. The things that get said are rarely accurate and are often laughed off because of their pathetic tone. Others, like this, actually hurt people. And usually when I see these things I am silently disgusted but this time something was different. I am sick of seeing this kind of attitude online; I’m tired of hearing it outside and I am fed up of it existing.

If someone has scars from self-harming, it should be clear that their self-esteem isn’t great so anything, like that message, said to them is going to have some kind of negative impact. But what really gets to me about this message is the claim that no one with scars will be loved. No decent, right-minded person is going to leave someone or reject them just because they have scars.

Self-harm scars are not a factor in whether I love someone or not. It’s whether they send messages like this. If you send a message like this then I do not want you in my life, in any way. People with this kind of attitude are twisted.

NEWSFLASH! Self-harming does not make you a bad person; it does not define you as a person and it definitely isn’t disgusting - the reasons behind you feeling that way are, your way of dealing with it whilst staying alive is not. That’s not to say that someone’s scars aren’t important - the scars show you there’s a story to be told. The scars tell you that this person has been pushed to their limit and they show that this person is not perfect and things haven’t been easy but they are strong and they are a fighter and they are worth every second of your time. That doesn’t mean I recommend it as a coping method, I definitely do not – each individual injury helps you cope but only for two seconds (if that), in the long run it just makes you feel worse.

“Scars remind us of where we’ve been they don’t have to dictate where we’re going”. Those words sum up my feelings on this exactly. A person’s scars, be they physical or otherwise, do not determine their life and they should not be the reason you reject someone. I know for a fact that someone’s scars can be one of the reasons you love them.

Messages like the one I showed you are often sent by people anonymously which says a lot about them. Because while they have these thoughts and they’re happy to share them, they’re too scared to admit that they are this vile because they know that for every person they send this to there are thousands of people who will see it and send them messages back and they aren’t big enough to take it.

This blog may not be my best, it may not have funny moments like I put in others, it may not even be good at all but I really don’t care. I couldn’t make it funny – I could put a long ranting list of insults up about that anon. who posted the message that inspired this but I won’t. I could say that I’m surprised he/she managed to stop dragging their knuckles long enough to learn how to use a computer, but I won’t. Messages like that one make me angry, they show the ignorance some people have about self-harm and the shallow attitude towards love. If you reject someone just because they have self-harm scars then you are not worthy of that person anyway. To the anon. who wrote that message, I hope you put all of your money on that bet because you’re going to lose.

We're swinging this way, that way, forwards and backwards over the bigoted sea!

The spotlight is always on gay people and the hard times they go through – the homophobic attacks; discriminatory laws and so on. And, while these things are problems, they often overshadow another common prejudice known as Biphobia. This prejudice presents itself in many different ways and while it can come out in the same ways as homophobia, there is a whole other culture of discrimination faced by bisexual people.

When gay people come out they are often faced with straight people stating “it’s just a phase” and while that can be hard for them to deal with, it could be argued that these statements are worse for bisexuals. Statements like “it’s just a phase” or “you’re just confused” are said to bisexuals, not only by straight friends and family, but also by members of the gay community. Being openly bisexual is difficult. If you’re male and say you’re bisexual you are immediately presumed gay and cowardly by some of the gay community and some of the straight community – this can mean that (while some argue it’s easier to find a partner if you’re bi because there are more options) it is arguably more difficult as gay guys don’t want to go out with “closet cases” and straight girls don’t want to either. For bisexual girls it’s even more complicated. More feminine girls who say they are bisexual can be seen by lesbians as “fakers” – meaning they’re only into girls when there’s a guy there to entertain. For the less feminine girls who come out as bisexual, it’s not much easier. They are instantly tagged as being a lesbian who is too afraid to come out fully and that leads to harsh treatment from many different angles.  Whilst doing a little research for this post I came across a few tweets that various people had posted and below you will see those tweets and my responses.

Response: no more or less cool than you would be if your friend weren’t all bisexual girls.

Yes, you could say it’s great he wants all his friends to be bisexual girls – it shows he doesn’t have a problem with bisexuality, that he’s not prejudiced. WRONG! This attitude can only be rooted in the belief that bisexual girls will perform sexual acts on each other for no reason other than to entertain a man. These men just see bisexual girls as live porn. There is no regard as to whether the girls will be attracted to each other; it is purely thought that they will do it because the man wants them to. This could lead into a big rant about sexism and how he only sees women as objects created with the sole purpose of pleasing him but let’s ignore that for now. This guy is as prejudiced as the one I will show you next. He may not be blatantly stating his prejudice but it is there. If he wasn’t prejudiced then why would he care about the sexuality of his friends? Why would he specifically want bisexual girls, not guys?

Response: while you’re on the internet why don’t you use it to educate yourself about Pansexuality – it will blow your teeny-tiny bigoted excuse for a mind.
Bisexual people are not “greedy” – they do not necessarily date more than one person at a time and they do not necessarily get more sex than anyone else does. They are not necessarily attracted to more people than anyone else – they merely have more variety in the aesthetic of the people they are attracted to. I’m not saying bisexuals like males and females equally, but they do like both and as such get a wider variety. The idea that bisexuals are greedy, indecisive and confused is so outdated. I honestly didn’t think people said this anymore. Surprising what Twitter can teach you. People who have this attitude – you are wrong. No discussion, no debate. Case closed, court adjourned.

Response: Incorrect! Your tweet makes no sense at all. As in if we measured how much sense that tweet makes it would register a big ol’ ZERO. What you mean is, “I would like to try having an intimate and/or sexual interaction with a female”. Your tweet does not make sense. You cannot try to be bisexual – you either are or you are not. You can experiment; try new things; see what it’s like to be with a member of the same sex; explore your sexuality and as long as you don’t hurt anyone in a bad way that’s all fine and dandy. You cannot try to be bisexual. You just can’t.

This kind of statement just fuels the attitudes of people like the guy who posted the first tweet. Due to the common occurrence of straight girls getting intimate with each other just to please men, bisexuality in feminine women is belittled and demeaned and seen as just one more way for men to be happy. Feminine lesbians get this too. This manipulation of Sapphic intimacy leads to many problems. Two girlfriends (as in, two females who are in a relationship) go out together they often get harassed by men asking for a “free show” or they ask for details of the girls’ sex life. These men think that these girls are only together for the benefit of men and that the private, intimate details of their relationship are up for public consumption just because they are two girls. Or, one thing that also happens, the guy asks the two girls for a threesome because what sexual experience is complete without a penis and his genitals?! I will say, girls, if you are curious about being with other girls – that’s cool. Just don’t call yourself bisexual. Be honest and say you want to try but you’re not sure how it’ll go. There are enough bisexual girls/lesbians who will be more than happy to help you out – trust me, I know a couple of them. But be honest about what you’re doing. Tell the girl that you’re curious do not say that you are bi because in a lot of these situations the “bi” girl turns out to be straight and this leads to a whole heap of drama. So straight girls STOP IT! And gay girls – learn the difference between a straight faker/bicurious girl and a genuine bisexual, it’s really not that difficult.

 

Response: Grow up! Seriously?! More men who view bisexual girls as sex crazed objects who will put on a show with their female friends. I do not understand why the quality of a person is based purely on their sexuality, by these guys. Honestly, I don’t get it. Please see response to first tweet. I just feel like I am losing IQ points just by trying to understand what is going on in your head.

Response: Well, it’s a different opinion from the other guys but still, wow are you stupid. A major turn off is using “your” instead of “you’re” or calling The Doctor “Doctor Who” or not liking Marvel even a tiny bit. Those kind of things are turn offs (for me) not whether she likes to bang dudes as well. Again, brain power decreases as more time is spent trying to process this.

Response: just because someone is bisexual does not mean they are attracted equally to men and women. It just means they are attracted to both. This person you’re tweeting about might be more attracted to men than women. OR, now careful this might be a bit complicated for you, maybe this person just didn’t find those girls attractive! Gasp! I know! It’s shocking isn’t it?! Oh am I being too patronising?! What a pity. I really don’t care.

This whole idea that being bisexual means you’re attracted to men the same amount as you’re attracted to women is ridiculous. Also, the idea that being bisexual means you’re more interested in guys than girls – so bisexual girls prefer guys and so do bisexual guys – is mind-blowingly stupid. But a whole big ranty paragraph can be summarised with the use of a tweet.

I believe this is my last dickfaced tweet.

Response: I honestly don’t believe that a punch in the face will make you any smarter. Doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen. Why can a guy not be bisexual but a girl can? It’s ridiculous. You sir are a small-minded idiot. It is as possible (though less common) for a guy to be bisexual as it is for him to be straight. Okay.

The above attitude could be down to the belief that bisexuals are cowardly gay people who can’t fully come out yet. This idea is blind prejudice. Someone’s not straight and therefore must be gay? No, that’s not how the world works. Bisexuality is a genuine thing, it is real, it exists so deal with it. To be fair though, prejudice isn’t totally to blame for this. This idea that bisexuals are just cowardly gay people is due to ignorance, yes, but it’s also the fault of many gay people who used bisexuality as a stepping-stone in their coming out process. Many gay people initially come out as bisexual and then later on redefine themselves as gay. This could be for many reasons. A person might do this if he/she genuinely thinks they’re bi but later realises they’re actually gay; a gay person could initially come out as bisexual in order to maintain the hope for their parents that they could still end up with a partner of the opposite sex and have the big ol’ white wedding; it could just be to soften the blow of the whole coming out process or maybe it’s a precaution – many people (myself included) believe sexuality to be fluid so some gay people could come out as bi in order to cover the bases in case they do get with someone of the opposite sex. What ever the reason is, it belittles this genuine identity to being nothing more than a service station on the road to homo-town. And I am not attacking the gay people who do this – I mean, I am guilty of doing this – I am just saying that it does some damage that needs to be fixed.  

In conclusion, bisexuality is a real thing. It is possible for people to be attracted to males and females. If someone identifies as bisexual then this does not detract from their personality or make them any less of a person than I am for being gay or my parents are for being straight. The only thing to do with bisexuality that makes you less of a decent person is biphobia. Final notes: if you are a girl (or guy) who is confused about your sexuality don’t choose bisexual as your label, don’t choose anything until you know for sure what you are because while your discovery of who you are is a great journey by using a false label you are causing problems for others. If you are a person who thinks that because a bisexual doesn’t like males and females equally, they are not bisexual – sit down and shut up. They are less bisexual for having a preference than you are less straight/gay for turning down that guy/girl who asked you out. And finally, big final statemtent – if you are a guy who thinks that bisexual girls are nothing more than your play things and that having them in your life will make you so much happier because you won’t have to pay for porn then do us all a favour: delete your Twitter account, get off Facebook, wave bye bye to the internet and crawl into a deep dark cave until you evolve into a properly functioning human.

This blog post was inspired by Lyndsey Higgins. You can find her on Twitter: @LyndseyJHiggins she’s a good laugh and follows back so go for it.

Please leave your thoughts on this topic in the comments section – I would LOVE to read them, only fair since you’ve just read mine.