Angry (Blog)

As I have mentioned in a couple of previous blog posts I have an extremely obsessive love of the comedian/actor/writer/musician Tim Minchin – in fact, my love of him borders on addiction. Recently, I have been unable to keep up my cyber-stalking due to other commitments and tonight (22/12/2011) I was excited because I would have time to catch up on all that I have missed. So you can imagine how genuinely excited I was when I opened up YouTube and saw that Tim Minchin had a new video up, I stopped talking to everyone on Facebook and focused all of my attention on this. I opened the video and watched it. The video started with Jonathan Ross, introducing Tim Minchin, on his show, this got me even more excited because I knew it was a new song, which meant one thing – Timbo was going to be on Wossy this week. I watched the video, listened to the song and loved it. It was a mild yet funny song about Christmas, describing Jesus with modern references i.e. Derren Brown and Dawn of the Dead. It did strike me as weird that the song would be put up before the show so I read the video information and you can imagine how thrilled I was when I saw that this song had been cut from the programme due to the offence it could cause a small amount of people who probably don’t even watch Jonathan Ross (the guys from “The Inbetweeners” were on that same episode. I seriously doubt that the prudey-right-wing-conservative-anti-condom-Mary-was-a-virgin-the-Earth-is-only-6,000-years-old-Brigade, who think “raping children is fine but falling in love with a member of the same sex is wronger than evolution” are hardcore clunge fans.

This song, “Woody Allen Jesus” was inoffensive (in comparison to what it could be like), well worded and brilliant. I thought ITV was a great network but if they can’t allow this song to be put on, when (previously) the BBC allowed “5 Poofs and 2 Pianos” to be performed, then I’m going to have to rethink my preferences (not women, they’re always tops, except when they’re bottoms – oh yeah!)

Here’s one verse of this song:

“Jesus was a great entertainer
Doing cool tricks all of the time
Turning water into wine
Making stormy weather fine
Even now his stunts confound us
Kinda did what Derren Brown does”

Does anyone see the offensiveness there? Seriously?! It’s ridiculous! This is how the verse breaks down:

Compliment

Examples supporting the compliment

Further flattery

Pop-culture reference to explain why the compliments are deserved.

Turns out the song was cut out because one gutless-fuckwit at ITV was worried about all the complaints they would get due to the offence that would be caused by the song. Jesus – fucking – Christ, for all the fuss it’s caused, you’d think he’d played Pope Song for fuck’s sake. I would actually understand it if people made this much fuss over Pope Song because (as a friend of mine told me) the word “fuck” is used (including, within words like “fucker” or “fucking”) 108 times in that short song and people don’t like that word much.

This whole situation drives me crazy. I hate it when comedians get (basically) punished when they’ve done nothing wrong. I know, I get offended by stuff but I don’t go to the papers and complain about it, I don’t even write about it on here (I write about stuff that angers/confuses/frustrates me but never something that simply offends me, at least I don’t think I have) I discuss it with my friends – specifically (if it’s LGBT...related, as it mostly is) Jo-anna, and we: rant about it; talk about it; agree about it and that’s how I get it out of my system. You don’t need a massive media-hype about shit that doesn’t even matter. This is just one time I have read a story like this and thought, “grow the fuck up!”

A separate (though not unrelated) example of this kind of idiocy is “Sachsgate” – if you don’t know what that is then where have you been?! This was the front-page news for at least a couple of months in the UK and it was ridiculous! Russell Brand had a radio show with the BBC. One week he had Jonathan Ross on his show (his name seems to be a pattern in these stories) and he was meant to have a comic actor called Andrew Sachs on as well. But Sachs did not show up, so Russell being Russell, he decided to phone him and leave a message. A while into the message when Russell is doing his thing Wossy shouts, “he fucked your granddaughter”. Not a very clever thing to say, I agree, but not worth complaining about. To be fair, only a few people actually complained about it when the show was on but when the papers wrote about it, people (who hadn’t heard the clip and never listened to the show) complained as well, which resulted in Brand and Ross resigning. This baffled me. These two guys were punished for saying something on a pre-recorded show (yes, editors had a chance to cut that out but they didn’t) that hardly anyone (who originally heard it) complained about. It’s pathetic! My motto for TV and Radio has always been “if you don’t like it, don’t watch it”. No one is sitting there forcing you to listen to or watch something (and if they are then you don’t have to pay attention). You can go to your friends and say “that was a load of shit, wasn’t it?” that’s fine but save the complaining for important issues not a joke that didn’t go well. Also, Russell and Wossy are great but was this really worth the front page in most papers, everyday for a couple of months? There are more newsworthy things to report (especially on the front page) than pathetic shit like this. I mean come on, did all other areas of life cave in at the exact moment that this kicked off? I doubt it.

I’ve only ever officially complained about something on TV once and that was something I actually saw on TV. It was a clip, that was recorded during the student protests in England, of a man in a wheelchair being dragged out of it by police and the distasteful interview of the guy in the wheelchair that followed a couple of days later. He was treated despicably and I thought he deserved an apology. That’s the kind of shit you should complain about! Not a fucking joke you didn’t even see!

Another example of these stupid situations involves JimmyCarr. Forgive me for this because I can’t remember the exact details of the incident but here are the basics. During a live (un-televised) gig Jimmy Carr made a joke (I believe it was about injured soldiers) and one of the audience members went to the papers, complained and Jimmy Carr was torn a new one. Complaints and criticism flooded in, bashing him and saying how shit he is. I heard about this and thought, “fuck right off!”

1)      This was not being recorded, it was a live gig in a theatre with no chance of ever being on TV. He can make jokes about anything – that’s the beauty of live comedy.

2)      Jimmy Carr does a lot of work with charities that help rehabilitate injured soldiers so any idiot would know (if they did their fucking research) that he didn’t mean it.

3)      This is for the original stupid bitch who complained. You paid over £25 for a ticket to see a comedy gig. A Jimmy Carr gig!!!!! A gig performed by a man who has said numerously about his shows,      “It's not for the easily fucking offended. It's not even for people that are difficult to offend. Essentially it's for people who are without a moral compass.” If you go to see him live, you know what to expect. It’ll be dark, twisted, belly-bursting jokes, thrown at you a mile-a-minute. You’re offended? Good for you! You have a right to be offended, but surely if you pay attention to the rest of his material then you’d realise other people in the room might be offended too. His material covers every social group! In his last tour he did a mime of “two lesbians breaking up” he used his hands to motion scissoring and made suction noises as he pulled them apart – I was at a gig when he did that, I found it hilarious!

4)      Finally, the key point in this argument. It’s Jimmy – fucking – Carr he tells jokes about everything. He doesn’t mean half the shit he says, it’s just funny. And even more to the point, that’s his job!  

I’ve already written a lengthy blog about the other situation, which got to me, regarding comedians and inappropriate, uneducated, ignorant complaints. It’s called, “Newsflash: Tim Minchin’s Transphobic and Bears StopShitting in the Woods!” give it a read, it’s one of my favourites (and leave a comment, if you haven’t already).

Coming to the end of this post, I feel (as I usually do) like I have rambled on for too long without making my point clear. So, I’ll do one final bit to push the message home. To clarify, I do not, in anyway think that a group’s feelings are illegitimate just because they are a minority, I mean DUH I’m part of a minority. I also do not disagree with censorship in order to protect people’s feelings and lives. I do, however, believe that when censoring anything, you need to be realistic. There is no point removing a song about Jesus from a programme because it might offend people, when the people who might be offended, probably don’t even watch it. Basically, there is no point putting “F**K” instead of “FUCK” in a because, as Tim Minchin pointed out,“F**K means ‘FUCK’ more than ‘FUCK’ means ‘FUCK’”.

HAPPY NEWTONMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!

Shits and (Excessive) Giggles

Some people like music: they go to concerts to see their favourite bands; they have posters of their favourite musicians on their walls and have their favourite song set as their ringtone. I like music too, I like to sing it, I like to play it (or try to anyway) and my ringtone – at one point – was a song written by my friend. I have been to one music concert (that wasn’t comedy – I’ll explain later) which was a Deep Purple gig (I’ve loved them since I had the ability to hear from the womb) and I have a poster of my favourite singer on my wall – Ian Gillan.

But since October 2008 I have been to NINE comedy gigs – arenas and theatres. I have posters of comedians on my walls and my ringtone is a song by a certain comedian (whom I shall tell you about later); the wallpaper on my phone is a photo of a comedian; the majority of my DVDs are stand-up comedy; I bring it into conversations; I quote comedians during arguments (which you will see if you read my blog on Christianity); I have used and still use comedians as revision for some tests and I NEVER stop thinking about it.

It’s the reason I get up in the morning; the cause of any smile on my face; the thing that gets me through the day; the thing that prevents me from sleeping; the reminder of how great things are and (to put it simply) it’s my life. Stand-up comedy. I love it! It’s the only thing that makes me truly accepted. It fascinates me, to no end – the way that one person can string words together and come up with comic-gold! It’s amazing.

People who say “I don’t like comedy” annoy the FUCK out of me – hey dipshit, you like to laugh, you like comedy. Think it through! I have a varied sense of humour. I love the light-hearted observational stuff (like Lee Evans) and I love the dark, twisted, sick-as-fuck stuff (like Jimmy Carr – who says everyone has their limit when it comes to dark humour, just so you know I haven’t found mine yet).

So, because comedy is so important to me, I thought I would write about my favourite comedians and tell you why I love them (some in a more obsessive way than others).

Lee Evans

Who: Lee Evans is a brilliant comic. He takes his material from various aspects of life and he can make anything funny – whether it’s chat lines or speed dating. He talks about family, sex, the general public, and observations he has made, and he does all of this whilst dashing around like a monkey(boy) on crack – his movements make his shows eye-catching and astounding. Then to finish off his show he gets the piano out and performs a song/songs that he has written. His modesty, humbleness and charm are clear throughout his performances and he always makes sure his fans know he loves us and he tells us that he knows how lucky he is. He genuinely doesn’t realise how much we love him – which just makes him even more adorable. He is Britain’s top comedian, he holds the world records and he tries new things. He was one of the first comedians to try out theatres; he was one of the first to move up to arenas and he was the first comedian to have his gig filmed in 3D.

Gigs: This man was my first live gig. He popped my live comedy-cherry and I don’t regret it one little bit. I remember asking my Dad for the tickets for this gig and to be honest I was shocked to get them because he didn’t even try to get them until 2 weeks after I asked. As soon as I found out I got them I was instantly texting my Auntie inviting her to come with me – she was almost as excited as me. Few months later the day arrived and after we went out for dinner we arrived at the arena and found our seats. Sat there in anticipation just waiting to see the man we had admired from afar, for so long. The second I saw him on stage I was star-struck. I remember thinking, “holy shit! I’m in the same room as Lee Evans!” At the end of the gig we waved to him from our seats and, I shit you not, he waved back. He does that every time he sees someone waving at him just, a living legend. I left that gig and my mouth was dry from all the laughing and face was in bits. I thought that it wasn’t possible for him to be funnier than that. 

The second gig, the same as the first. I still got the shock of “holy shit! I’m in the same room as Lee Evans!” but this time I left the gig with a t-shirt and a massive stitch that lasted 3 days. He actually managed it, he upped-the-funny. It was, unbelievable. How you can go from being “legendary” to being even more “legendary” is a mystery but it just goes to show you that he is one of the best.

Memory: My significant memory of him is his reaction during a gig, the first time the audience applauds one of his jokes. The shock, appreciation and gratitude in his face just makes me love him even more. Here is a man who has been doing comedy for decades and is still surprised when people applaud him. I’m not an idiot, I know it’s rooted to his feelings of inferiority and insignificance that he had as a child, I know his gigs are him trying to make everyone love him and him trying to gain some acceptance. I know – I’m a nerd. Since I began writing this, I have met Lee Evans, at his book signing in Edinburgh. 01/12/2011 – the day I met him (also my 18^th birthday). Not only did I achieve my dream of meeting him but I made him laugh. Me an 18 year old student made a professional comedian laugh – that was a very special moment for me. He was so humble and made sure he said “thank you my friend” to everyone who was there and he shook everyone’s hand. He’s adorable, charming and a funny man. I don’t think the reality of meeting him will ever truly sink in.

Michael McIntyre

Who: You know Michael McIntyre, he’s the camp, middle-class, English man who looks Chinese when he smiles. You know the one, he skips instead of walking; his hair has it’s own fan-page on Facebook. Anyway, he’s great. He uses a lot of the same sources as Lee Evans, for his material and never fails to get a laugh. He has fantastic material ranging from raising children to child abuse.  He replaced Simon Cowell as a judge on the last series of “Britain’s Got Talent” and I watched it. I can’t tell you who won but I can tell you Michael McIntyre took no prisoners when the folk auditioning were shit!

Gigs: I saw Michael McIntyre at his first gig in Aberdeen (in 2009) – should mention here, Aberdeen is not on the list of dates for his next tour. It was amazing, a lot of banter between him and certain audience members, brilliant material and fabulous night.

Memory: I went with my Dad, who did not like Michael McIntyre that much and just went because I invited him. My Dad, left that gig having burst out laughing numerous times (I’ll clarify that statement by informing you that my Dad is a silent-laugher). I left that gig with my Dad and he loved Michael McIntyre – this was my first fan recruitment.

Eddie Izzard

Who: Okay, you’d better be kidding me with this. Well, I’ll explain anyway. Eddie Izzard is an astounding comedian. His ‘random’ sounding delivery of material which is made up of highly intelligent and well thought out points, just brings you into his world. Often including impressions of animals, his material ranges from Wikipedia to Religion. He is one of the comedians I watch and listen to in order to learn. He gained the name “Marathon Man” in 2009 for completing 43 marathons in 51 days – with only 5 weeks training. He ended up raising more than £200,000 for Sport Relief.

Gig: I went to an Eddie Izzard gig in November 2009 with my Dad. I will admit, I was disappointed when he appeared on stage in a suit but he was wearing make-up so I forgave him. I laughed my way through that gig and enjoyed every second. I listened, laughed and learned (the 3 ‘L’s) and that was a great night.

Memory: This isn’t really a memory of him but it is something which meant a lot to me. My Dad gives off quite a homophobic vibe – ‘poof’ is used to describe weakness as far as he’s concerned – but he introduced me to Eddie Izzard. My Dad loves Eddie Izzard (who is a transvestite) and just the fact of this makes me happy, makes me think that if I ever come out to him, he might be okay with it.

Jimmy Carr

Who: Seriously, host of the show “Distraction”, host of “8 out of 10 Cats”, on tour all the fucking time! No? Looks like Hitler without the little moustache – there you go! You got it now. Jimmy Carr is a dark, sick and twisted comedian. He finds humour in many places and always challenges his audiences and tests their “level” – by this I mean, at the end of his gigs he tells some jokes with get progressively sicker as they go on, until he finds the one that no one laughs at. I think he’s brilliant. My family don’t like him – but who gives a fuck? More for me. At the end of his gigs, he does a signing – I don’t mean he stands and converses with deaf fans, I mean he signs tickets, programmes and stuff for the audience. If you don’t want anything signed, fine. He’s happy to have a chat with you for a couple of minutes. He’s said before that when he went to gigs the thing that made them great was meeting the comedian afterwards, and that’s why he does it. He doesn’t want his fans leaving and wanting more, he wants them to leave being laughed out and wanting to go home and not want anymore until the DVD comes out.

Gigs: I’ve seen Jimbo twice, both times in the Aberdeen Music Hall. He was my first “theatre gig”. The atmosphere at these gigs is amazing. You’d think that the more people there are the greater the atmosphere, but there’s something about these “smaller” gigs that makes them better than arenas. They are a lot more intimate and the interaction between the comedian and the audience is a lot easier and clearer – which is why Jimbo does these gigs. His comedy involves a lot of audience participation which is always BRILLIANT – although when some people take things too far it does get annoying. Both gigs were amazing. Both gigs made my face hurt from laughing. Both gigs were exactly what I want from a gig: great atmosphere; great crowd; insanely funny and very clever. That’s one thing a lot of people don’t think of when they hear the name “Jimmy Carr”. They think, dark, sick, funny but not many people take not of how clever he is. So, I’m appreciating his intelligence.

Memory: I have two that stand out. After the first gig I saw, I met him. My friend had her arm round me and he asked if we were a couple. We said no (because technically we weren’t) and he said, “oh, okay, thought we might have had a couple of scissor sisters here” – the thought of that moment never fails to make me smile

The second memory is of the second time I met him. He was having a chat and asked if I was at school, I said “just finished school” he replied with “nice” and put his fist out and I bumped it with mine. Nothing better than a white middle-class man in his 30’s being all “street”. Love him!

Russell Howard

Who: No need to explain. Everyone in the UK knows who Russell Howard is. He became a household name when he became a regular on “Mock the Week” and he also has his own programme on BBC3 called “Russell Howard’s Good News” where he basically rips the shit out of the news from that week. He has quite a “sick” sense of humour and most of his comedy is observational. He was the first comedian to make me cry with laughter. He’s young, he’s very smart and he is so damn funny.

Gig: I went with my Mum to see Russell Howard in March 2011. It – was – EPIC! My Mum hates being in crowds of people (because she has an anxiety disorder) but she actually managed to relax and enjoy herself in an arena filled with thousands of people because he was just that good! It was incredible. Any heckles (that could be heard properly) were dealt with masterfully by Mr Howard. A brilliant first gig of the year and just what I needed to lift my spirits.

Memory: First 5 minutes of the gig, I make a MASSIVE MISTAKE and take a drink of Diet Irn Bru. I don’t remember the joke he made but I can tell you that it was EPIC. And how can I tell you this? Well, I choked on that sip of juice to the extent that I almost threw up on the guy in front of me. It wasn’t pretty but that’s the defining moment of the gig for me – he’s so good I nearly threw up.

Jason Manford

Who: Funny guy from Manchester who makes jokes about shit that happened to him and shit that happened in general. Was a team captain on “8 Out of 10 Cats”, hosted “The OneShow” until he got fired for something that happened off-air, presented “ShowMe the Funny”. Don’t really know what else to say about him, to be honest.

Gig: I went to see Jason Manford in April 2011 with my mate Matthew. This gig was Matthew’s first comedy gig. He drove us to and from the gig and we had an AMAZING time. First off, we sat one row in front of where we were meant to be because some other folk sat in our seats so better view HELL YEAH. Then the show started and out comes Jason Manford with crutches – the dipshit broke his foot. He does his material, interval, more material then it’s over. A few heckled here and there but nothing he couldn’t handle.

Memory: This isn’t really of the gig but of the girl who was selling the ice cream during the interval. She was STUNNING!!!!! And as soon as Matthew found out I thought so, he made me go and talk to her because magically “he wanted ice cream”. So I went up to buy the ice cream, the (gorgeous) girl said the price and I said “do you have change for a twenty?” she went, “I do just now” and smiled at me. I got my change and his ice cream and made my way back to my seat. Matthew kept telling me that “that was flirting”. That girl was obviously straight but didn’t stop me trying.

Tim Minchin

Who: Not enough people have heard of this man. He is an absolute legend! English-born, Australian comedian who deals with Religion, alternative medicine, raising children and other rather dark topics in his material. His songs are beautifully written, his poems are incredible and his stand-up bits in between are brilliantly funny. I am a total lesbian but I so would! I have been known to state the following on a regular basis: “Tim Minchin’s voice is sex”. He is GORGEOUS!!!!! I heard him say in an interview-type-thing, “I hate my voice, I hate my fat chin...I can't play piano, I'm not a good Pianist, I will never be a good Pianist" I responded to this by yelling “FUCK OFF TIMBO YOUR VOICE IS SEX!!!!!” at my laptop. If ever there was a man on this planet who could “turn me” it would be Tim Minchin, or, as I have also referred to him, “Mr sex-on-legs-could-probably-turn-me-his-voice-is-sex Minchin”. His insecurity makes me appreciate his genius even more. He doesn’t get enough credit and I have dedicated part of my life to recruiting new fans for him (I’m up to 5 in two years. And however many those 5 recruit and so on, because without me they wouldn’t be recruited), that is how good he is. His song “The Fence” is my ringtone and I always smile anytime someone phones me and it starts to play.

Gig: I went to his gig in Aberdeen in April 2011 with Jess and we had the best time we’ve ever had together. After she saw him Jess said (out loud) “Oh my God he’s real” (or words to that effect). We were star-struck and during “Rock ‘n’ Roll Nerd” when the line “he doesn’t look good with his t-shirt off” was sung we looked at each other and, I know I thought, “bullshit”. At the gig you got a wristband with everything you bought. I ended up having 3 wristbands, I gave on to Jo-anna and one to Poppy, the one I have left I wear every single day.

Memory: My main memory regarding Timbo is looking at my Religious, Moral and Philosophical Studies prelim result, seeing the fact that I got an ‘A’ and thinking “Thank you Timbo”. This man, got me an ‘A’, my first ever ‘A’ in an exam. Then after the actual exam (when I got a ‘C’) they appealed me up to an ‘A’ because of that prelim.

Ellen Degeneres

Who: Okay, unless you’ve been living under a rock you know who Ellen is. She’s like Cher and Madonna, you only need to say her first name and everyone knows who you’re on about. American comedienne who changed the western world when she came out as gay – and no, that’s not an exaggeration. I love her! I first saw her name in the final credits of the movie “Finding Nemo” and then discovered her as a person (not a fish) during my initial struggle with my sexuality. She made things a lot easier for me just by existing and making me laugh.

Gigs: Not seen her live, probably never will but ah well.

Memory: During the times when I was severely bullied for being “the lesbian” at school, I was watching clips of Ellen’s stand-up on YouTube, just to cheer me up, and my Mum who had recently found out about the bullying saw the screen and said, “if you want people to stop thinking you’re gay you’d better not let them find out you like her”. Thanks Mum.

Billy Connolly

Who: You had better be fucking kidding me?!

Gig: I haven’t seen him live. I want to see him live, more than anything in the entire world. He’s the King.

Memory: The first time I saw one of his gigs on TV my brain exploded. The whole thing was so new to me that I could hardly take it in.

Comedians I want to see live before I/they die:

                Billy Connolly

                Lee Evans

                Tim Minchin

                Jimmy Carr

                Russell Howard

                Jason Manford

                Eddie Izzard

                Michael McIntyre

                Alan Carr

    Dara O’Briain

    Russell Kane

    Jack Whitehall

    Daniel Sloss

    Sarah Millican

    Robin Williams

                

Newsflash: Tim Minchin's Transphobic and Bears Stop Shitting in the Woods!

I am a huge fan of stand-up comedy. I’ve been to 9 live gigs since 2008, my bedroom walls are covered in posters, my bookshelf is full of comedy DVDs and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am obsessed with stand-up and I bring it into all conversations. I quote comedians when making an argument and last year I even used a couple of comedians as part of my revision for an exam (I got an ‘A’ so it works!). One of my favourite comedians is Tim Minchin – not heard of him? Google is sexy ass right now! He’s an articulate, intelligent, direct and hilarious comedian who tackles subjects like religion and prejudice with his material. So, to people who know me it is clear why I love Tim Minchin and his work – I love comedy + I dislike ignorance and stupidity = Tim Minchin.

So, imagine my surprise when I logon to Twitter, for the first time in a few weeks, and my timeline is full of Tim Minchin defending himself against accusations of Transphobia. Tell you something, I was more than surprised. I was confused, annoyed, astonished but above all else I was amused. The mere idea of him being accused of such a thing was so incomprehensible to me that I had to go and find out what was going on. The further into it I looked, the more entertained I became.

This whole thing started with one mild-mannered person tweeting Tim Minchin about his use of the word “tranny” on TV:

“Hey, @timminchin - I love your work, but please lay off the "tr*nny" jokes. Some of us find that really offensive.”

His reply to this:

@auntysarah Ugh, serious? Are you talking about 8/10 cats? I can't remember what I said, but don't remember it being really offensive.

To me, that comment is fair enough. Programmes are filmed at least a few days before they are broadcast so it’s perfectly reasonable that he would not remember everything he had said. He’s also very busy: he’s still on tour and “Matilda the Musical” – which he wrote the music and lyrics for – opened yesterday (25/10/2011) so busy, busy man, try remembering everything you said on a TV show with all that going on. So far, nothing nasty just two reasonable comments from two reasonable people, then things start to get a bit darker.

TransMediaWatch then joined in the conversation with a comment that was both understandable but slightly bitchy at the same time:

“@timminchin @auntysarah with all due respect Tim, it's usually the people who are offended who get to decide what's rude.”

I totally agree but when discussing these things with a person who is in the public eye it is a good idea to research their work before commenting (a hashtag used by Tim Minchin later on just proves this point).

Tim Minchin replies:

“@TransMediaWatch @auntysarah I had no idea that "tranny" was derogatory. Good to know.”

He admits he didn’t know something, you’ve educated him. Yay! It’s all over...oh wait, apparently not. TransMediaWatch:

“@timminchin @auntysarah gotta ask you though Tim, would you *really* ever introduce someone in polite company as a "tranny"?”

Like the figurative dog with it’s bone. He’s owned up to his previous ignorance and you keep digging (obviously having still done no research into his material)?! Actually, what idiot with a Trans. friend would introduce them as a “tranny”? If the friend is a Trans-man then you introduce them the same as you do any other man, you just go “and this is my mate Dave” not “this is my mate Dave-the tranny” everyone (with Trans friends/relatives/what ever) knows that! It’s common sense! 

Tim Minchin responds:

“@TransMediaWatch @auntysarahI have drag friends who use it, so only know the word as equivalent to "queen", unrelated to transgender.”

So, now we’ve had a decent explanation for his mistake. It is now painfully clear that he did not intend to offend anyone. Is it over now? Like fuck it is! The person in control of TransMediaWatch at this time was feeling bitchy or had a bad day or something because he/she/they didn’t show any sign of acknowledging the fact that Tim Minchin wasn’t aiming to offend anyone and he didn’t like the fact that they were offended.

“@timminchin @auntysarah we have black friends who are happy using "nigger". What's your point Tim?”

Dude! (Shall point out I call everyone ‘dude’. Whether they be male, female, intersexed or my neutered cat everyone is ‘dude’ in my eyes at some point). As I was saying – Dude! Calm the fuck down! No need to start a fight. We’re all friends here! We’ve established the fact that he did not know that “tranny” was offensive so leave it now and embrace the amazing ally we have in this eloquent specimen of Natural Selection.

So, then some other dick pipes up saying that this has made him question whether to watch any future shows etc. that Tim Minchin does. Hey dumbass! You’ve obviously never watched his stuff before because if you had then you’d know where he stands when it comes to LGBT discrimination and you’d know he’s disgusted by it! Either that or you just don’t understand these things.

Anyway up until this point I had been amused by the idea of Tim Minchin (also known as ‘the man who restored my faith in heterosexuals’) being Transphobic, but TransMediaWatch then said something which did actually slightly annoy me:

“@timminchin why the reluctance for a quick: "Sorry, I had no idea that term would offend people, but now I do"”

Dude! (again, I use it as a unisex term, if the Queen turned up at my door and said something disturbing I’d say “Dude...”) Really? You’re going to needlessly continue this? Okay. This comment did annoy me purely on the basis of “you could be getting on with some real ‘shoot the Transphobe down’ work, but instead you’re wasting your time having a go at a guy who has already said he didn’t know it was offensive. Not only that, but because you keep going on about it some of his fans are going “oh, I don’t like him now because he’s going to keep using that word” – fucking idiots! Although, part of me does think ‘if you’re not smart enough to understand him then piss off’. 

Tim Minchin’s response:

“@TransMediaWatch @auntysarahYour appeal to mr to apologise is childish and simplistic. I'm trying to learn. You ever seen my shows?”

Notice the use of the words “trying to learn” that should explain everything now can we leave it alone? No! Keep digging! Why the fuck not! (By the way, I’m back to laughing at it by this point and if you want to read the tweets then go onto Twitter and see for yourself the rest of the stuff). 

This goes on for a while and by the end of it TransMediaWatch has a bunch of new followers and is looking up Tim Minchin material and Tim Minchin is making jokes about it:

“I used the word "tranny" on 8/10 cats. Found out today that to the trans folk it's an abusive term. I didn't know that. #onlyaginger” – his fans will get it, non-fans click here.

“2 clarifiers b4 bed. 1. A word is as offensive as those who have been victimised by it tell us it is. That's why I won't use the term again.
2. Left to my own devices I may well have said "sorry" for hurt caused or damage done. But I fucking hate being told what to do by gays.” – TransMediaWatch retweeted this and sent him a “J”.

This whole thing made me laugh in a weird way. I was amused by the sight of a group (who tackle ignorance) starting an argument with someone they know nothing about – oh the irony. I was entertained by the concept of Tim Minchin being discriminatory towards the LGBT community due to his songs/poems defending us (e.g. Mitsubishi Colt, 5 Poofs and 2 Pianos, Cont. and many more) and stories of his including one – which is a personal favourite – involving his daughter putting a coin in her mouth and then he tells her what her mouth is for and what it will be for (if you have no idea what I’m on about then click here if you know exactly what I’m on about *high5*).

The other thing that got me about this whole thing is the fact that I love TransMediaWatch and I think the work they do it great but I also like seeing them being wrong about someone because it just shows you that while education is still heavily required, people aren’t always as bad as the media would have you think. Yes, a lot of people are prejudiced and ignorant but other people are our friends, family, loved ones, idols, mild-obsessions...awkward...who just don’t know when something is offensive to some people because they don’t know anyone who is offended by it. In a kind of round-a-bout way I like that this happened because it just shows you that people can surprise you and first impressions are nothing to go by.

Even though I wasn’t the one being proved wrong about someone, this time, it did remind me to ignore first impressions of people, in general because it could turn out that “the bitch” you run away from after meeting her for the first time is actually the best friend you would ever have.

Unleash the pathetic romantic inside.

She walks into the room and once you catch sight of her you can’t look away. The sound fades into the distance as she moves. She looks in your direction and smiles and you can’t believe it. The most beautiful girl in the history of female-kind actually smiled at you. The light hits her perfectly from every angle. Her face is flawless and her body is fantastic. All you want to do is go and say “hi” but your brain has made it quite clear that she is out of your league, so it has dismissed your legs from action. No matter how much you want to go and introduce yourself, you cannot stand up. By the time your brain accepts that you’ve had enough time to think it through and prepare yourself for the oncoming rejection, it allows your legs to return to duty. You wait for her to be done talking or to be by herself and you slowly make your way over. As you approach she looks up at you, you reach where she is and you say, “hi” and the extent of your relationship is dependent on her next action, one second feels like a millennium and then she does it. The thing you’ve been waiting for. She smiles.

*

That moment, just before it happens. Two minds connect and share a common goal. Both know what the other is thinking and what they wish they weren’t. The idiotic sentences build up and there is only one thing keeping you from saying them: that smart, funny, astonishingly beautiful vision of absolute perfection. You run your hand through her hair and gently caress her face. You gaze into those beautiful eyes and suddenly there is no one else in the world – just you and her. The world is silent and you wish your brain was too. You could move in now if you wanted to and she wouldn’t mind – but you wait, let the tension build, wait for her to make a move and just before she does, you move in. It’s the dance of two lovers, no rehearsal needed because you both already know the steps. You pull back and she smiles at you before she comes back for more. Completely in sync with each other. Knowing what the other will do next and what they really want to do. But the noise of the world is lingering in the background so advancing is almost impossible.

*

The eyes meet and are soon followed by the lips, but this time it’s different. Because after a while a surge of heat fills both of your bodies and the passion increases. You slowly undo the buttons of her shirt and let it glide off of her skin. You admire the beauty that you have infront of you and try to accept the fact that she wants you too. Your lips work their way from the top of her neck down to her waist, where you unfasten her jeans to continue your journey. Her skin is soft and smooth as your lips discover her thighs. Her breathing changes as you gently introduce your teeth. She begins tearing off your clothes and you surrender to the animal you had been restraining. The feeling as your skin feels hers for the first time; your bodies intertwine and you work as one. You aim to please her and listen as her breathing becomes heavier and at the first hint of her making a sound you know you’re on the right path. And as she reaches the quivering climax, you know that in about a minute you’re about to go again.

*

The shouting. The feeling of a bomb ticking away inside you. Knowing that you’re about to explode into a fit of rage and drag up every little annoying thing about her. Totally aware that everything you say will hurt her but you say it anyway. Saying things you know you don’t mean just because it will make her feel another blade in her heart. Doing as much damage to her ego as you possibly can. Tearing her down and shredding every ounce of confidence she has, just because you can. During every moment you feel guilty, you feel dreadful and you feel like a monster but instead of stopping, you do more because she’s doing her fair share of damage too. But why are you doing this to her? Because you’re scared. You care and feel so strongly about her that is terrifies you and you want to focus on all of her bad points to stop you from doing the one thing that you’re too afraid to even think about. You shred her to pieces because maybe it will make her hate you so much that she leaves and never looks back. You do as much damage as possible because if you bring every bad moment to light then maybe she won’t seem so brilliant. The only problem is that for every pathetic, tiny, bad thing about her there are (at least) 10 amazingly brilliant things but you can’t think about them. Because you know that if you think about any of her good points then you will fall for her and the knowledge that falling in love with her is inevitable scares the shit out of you. So you just keep fighting. And you know she is the one for you because the next morning, she’s still there.

*

It’s another incredible day with the closest thing to perfection you have ever seen. She’s lying, cuddled into you, watching some random crap on the TV, that’s only on because neither of you are paying much attention to it. You talk to each other as you normally do, occasionally mentioning how shit the TV is but neither of you bother to change the channel. She says something cute and you laugh at how child-like she can seem at times. You mention her child-like qualities and she calls you a paedo, so you attack her and begin to play fight, after you’re finished you lie back down in the same position and kiss the top of her head. She rolls over to face you and makes you look at her. You’re expecting her to kiss you, and she does but what you don’t expect is the thing she does before. She opens her mouth and declares the most powerful phrase she ever could. Her voice is quiet as she says; “I love you”. Your brain goes into meltdown at the shock of what she has said and the only abilities you have left are to smile, and kiss her just before you reply with, “I love you too”.

Goals and Ambitions

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want in life; my ultimate goals both professionally and personally. And when it came down to it, I actually surprised myself with what I truly want. I might be a lesbian who is on the Trans spectrum but I’m actually quite old fashioned with some of my aspirations. I had the idea to write this post and thought I’d ask a friend of mine about her goals, in some of these areas. So, here are my goals followed by Jo-Anna's just to show the differences between two (very similar) 17 year olds.

Professional Goals:

University

Me: In a few weeks I will be starting university to do a BSc in Behavioural Sciences. Now I haven’t even started the course yet but if all goes to plan and I manage it I want to go on to do a Masters degree. The subject of my Masters will depend on how I get on with my BSc. It’ll either be something to do with Media, Crime/Law or Psychology. After that’s completed I hope to continue on to do a PhD. Obviously, I hope to develop my social skills and all the usual shit that goes along with University life but I’m mainly focusing on the educational aspect. It might not happen but it’s good to hope right? I don’t know why but I love education and working towards things so this plan makes sense just now, but things change. So nothing is concrete.

Jo-Anna: I want to go to university for however long my course lasts, which is 4 years. I'll hopefully end up with an honours degree. And the only things I want out of it are a good time and the qualifications, and then a good job.

Employment 

Me: I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was two years old. But now I’m not sure. I have many different passions and I’m not sure which one to follow. I could end up being a teacher; I could go into Psychology; some form of writing; LGBT issues; crime/law or maybe even a combination of each. I have no idea but I have time to work that out so it’s not necessary to know – exactly what I want to do – right now.

Jo-Anna: I want to be some kind of journalist. Preferably media related.

Personal Goals:

Health

Me: I’ve been dealing with many issues for a while and my main life goal is to get healthy. I hope to get over my OCD, depression and everything that comes with them and live a happier and more secure life. Kind of a boring one but I want to get there and just generally develop and more positive outlook.

Jo-Anna: I want to be healthy...

Kuk Sool Won

I’m on the right track to meeting the goals I have for Kuk Sool. I want to become a Master and open my own school (preferably in that order). I want to use my school to reach out to the LGBT community to help them defend themselves when it comes to hate crime and to build up the confidence of people who have already been attacked. I also hope to reach out to victims of domestic abuse, rape and other acts of violence in order to help them feel more confident in themselves and to help them feel safer in public. Basically, I want to use what I know and what I am good at to help people. And who knows, this might actually happen.

Love Life

This one surprised me and is where the old fashioned-ness really starts to show. I am awful when it comes to commitment. When things start to get serious I get scared and try to find a way out. The most common escape plan given to me by my darling brain is boredom. My brain makes me perceive my girlfriend as boring, so I end it and run for the hills. But when I actually stopped and thought about it I realised that, commitment is the one thing I want. You know how most people see their Grandparents showing affection to each other (whether it is holding hands, giving each other a little kiss or flirting with each other across the dinner table) disgusting and just a horrible thought to have? I don’t. It might have something to do with the fact that I’m not biologically related to my Grandpa, but when I see him and my Grandma flirting or anything like that I think it’s adorable. I look at them and I think “that is what I want. I want to be 70 years old and so happy with my wife that I don’t even notice other women.”  I want a wife, with whom I can spend the rest of my life. Funny that, I’m all for change and for diversity but I’m rather conventional.

Jo-Anna: I'd like to meet someone eventually, settle down etc. but in the meantime I’m fine with just living life until that point.

Family

This one was easy. I’m good with children and I want one. I don’t want to give birth though, I want to adopt. I mean, if the Mrs wants to physically have a child then I won’t stop her but I, personally, feel that there are so many children out there who are waiting for good homes that I would feel like a bad person if I didn’t even try to give one of them that. But the number of children I don’t really mind. I’d love to just have one boy but I wouldn’t object to more.

I don’t know if I’d be a good parent – I mean, I’m good with kids on a short term basis but who knows what they’ll be like with their own kids? I know one thing though; if/when I have a child I refuse to be one of those parents who misses half of their child’s life because of work. I don’t want to come home one day and find my child gone and a complete stranger sitting in their place. It may sound really stupid to know all of this by the age of 17 but I’ve had these feelings about having children for about 7 years and if I write all of these things down then maybe they will actually happen.

Pets? Rottweiler. People say they aren’t good with kids but that’s a load of shit! If you train a dog properly then it will be fine. Plus, I think they’re gorgeous.

Jo-Anna: As a general rule I don’t like kids but as I get older I might like the idea of having my own... but I don’t know.

Pets. I love pets. I love dogs so they're definitely on the wish list. And if I'm rich and famous I'd definitely have a horse or three.

While I was thinking about all of this, I realised something about myself. I am totally influenced by my Grandpa and all of my goals come from him. He is so proud of me for going to University because I’m the first person in my (biological) family to go and (if all works out) get a degree. He wants me to do the best I possibly can and make the most of everything which is why I want to get my PhD – just to make him proud.

Employment, health, Kuk Sool Won and love life come down to him telling me to be happy above everything else. Me wanting a child is because he wants great-grandchildren and doesn’t think he’ll be around to meet them (he’s kind of morbid sometimes). He doesn’t know I’m gay and I am more afraid to tell him than I am anyone else but even with the knowledge that he may reject me; I still want him to be proud. I want him to have Great-grandchildren before he dies (because he never fails to remind us that he won’t be around forever) because he’d be great with them! And I would love for any child I have to be able to meet him because he is an amazing man. I know it probably won’t happen, but I can dream right?

Ignorance, Spite and All Things Evil, That's What Little Fuckheads Are Made Of...

A story on pinknews.co.uk has attracted my attention. In my last post about how amazing Aberdeen Pride was I briefly mentioned the reasons why there is no such thing as Heterosexual Pride and now I have come across this:

“Sao Paulo city council backs ‘heterosexual pride’” and I can’t help but think to myself, you had better be fucking kidding me with this shit!!!!!

Someone please explain to me what gives people the right to believe that privileged people who are not discriminated against on a daily basis for part of their identity deserve a parade?

Wait, this guy is telling me: “those who claim to defend gay rights, privileges actually argue as if the gay was a special category of people who are above the law.”

Oh! Why didn’t you say so in the first place? I totally see your point of how gays wanting: protection from people who are attacking them or wish to attack them; to have their relationships legally recognised; to be allowed to get married and basically wanting to be treated the same as straight people means that we want a special category and believe we’re above the law. I totally get where you’re coming from, you complete and total dick!

Gays don’t want special treatment. We want equality. Sure not all of us care about “marriage” and are quite happy with Civil Partnerships but the whole reason we are fighting is so that we can be recognised as people not as the perverted scum of the earth that some people think we are.

“The law should be equal for everyone” okay, I like where this is going, continue; “but we have seen for a while now is a deification of the gays, because the newspapers almost every day brings some matter on them, the government is concerned to discuss the matter up in schools, with children and adolescents, distributing booklets and videos.”

Hold on a second! So you want things to be equal and not have people being better than other people. Good, I like that. What’s this you say, the newspapers are reporting on gay issues and kids and teenagers are being informed of the existence of gay people? *Gasp* How dare they! The rotten bastards! I mean as you say it’s not like gays are like “blacks, who are part of our history”.

You like Shakespeare? GAY!

What about Virginia Woolf? GAY!

Or Mário de Andrade? GAY!

Oscar Wilde? GAY!

Aristotle? Socrates? Liberace? GAY! GAY! GAY!

But no, we aren’t part of any history. Oh wait, my mistake, YES WE FUCKING ARE! And believe it or not we’re part of your present too. And those names up there, only a few examples.

One of many excuses made for the poor treatment of gays is that “the government also does not show any concern to combat racism in schools telling the story of blacks and their importance to our country”. So, you’re saying gays can’t have equal rights and homophobia can’t be tackled because racism isn’t being dealt with? Um...the two can be dealt with at the same time you know! They aren’t mutually exclusive and there are people who are attacked for both reasons. Fuck sake! Any idiot can see that you people need to sort out discrimination laws that protect people, not waste your time saying “we can’t help these people, because we haven’t helped these people”. Fucking dipshits!

The icing on the cake. The pivotal moment of this article. The fundamental statement made by this man. He says that straight pride is “not anti-gay but a protest against the privileges the gay community enjoys”. Privileges? You don’t allow children to be told that gay people exist; you deny gays the right to marry; you do not protect them against discrimination and you don’t treat them with respect as you do with straight people and you have the audacity to claim that gays in your country and privileged? Really?! You’re actually going to say that?

Well, that just shows me that not only do your laws need improving but your education system needs to be improved also. Because, if you think that people: having fewer rights than others; being treated like shit because of who they love and having their lives threatened and ended, by and because of other people, means that they are privileged then your teachers have obviously failed you!

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again.

When straight people are disowned by their families for being straight, then there will be straight pride.

When straight kids are bullied in school for being straight, then there will be a straight pride.

When straight people are beaten up and killed for being straight, then there will be a straight pride.

When straight people are discriminated against by their Governments and denied equal rights, then there will be a straight pride.

When straight people are so scared of how they will be treated that they hide their relationships in public THEN there will be a straight pride.

When straight people are pushed to suicide because they are straight, THEN, AND ONLY THEN, THERE WILL BE A STRAIGHT PRIDE!

People like this shouldn't be allowed to use crayons without supervision yet they're in charge of people's lives - that is FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!! 

There are other things, from this article that I could go into detail about but I’m not going to. I've pretty much covered everything I could think of and if I’ve missed anything then someone else can write about it.

Full article.