My First Love

Can’t bring myself to hate you,

No matter how I’ve tried.

Regardless of all the pain,

And all the times I’ve cried.

I’d say you were the one,

If I believed it to be true.

But that’s exactly what you are,

Depending on your point of view.

The one who really knew me,

The one who stole my heart.

The one to build my confidence,

And then tear it all apart.

Left my self-esteem lower,

Than it was before.

Cheated and you lied,

Then you walked right out the door.

My heart was taken and shattered,

You put it to the test.

Forged the pieces into a dagger,

Then stabbed me in the chest.

Mind-games are your specialty,

Breaking hearts is just for fun.

And yet I don’t dislike you,

Even with all you’ve done.

I took some time away from you,

To recover from what took place.

And just as I began to heal,

You chose to show your face.

Some time later and here I am,

Exactly where I started.

Not a step forward has been made,

Since the day we parted.

I’ll move on and I’ll progress,

That’s what people say.

And every night I go to sleep,

I hope to see that day.

Though some feelings will remain,

That we can be sure of.

As that always happens.

With someone and their first love.

"How often do I tell you I love you?" "Every day, it's implied"

I was watching an amazing show last night. One of my favourites actually. “Criminal Minds”. If you haven’t heard of it go look it up; if you haven’t watched it well, I highly recommend it. It’s an amazing programme about a department of the FBI called the “Behavioural Analysis Unit” (BAU) – which is a real thing and the stories are based on real cases or at least inspired by them. The BAU are a team of people who look at the psychology behind crime and use previous research and their knowledge to build a profile of what a criminal would be like and this profile is then used to catch the criminal. It’s not always a happy ending but that’s part of the reason I like it, it also helps that Psychology is an astounding subject and I have a strange fascination with crime. Anyway, I cannot do this programme justice, just go watch it and this is not the point of this post.

During the episode “Exit Wounds” (S5E21), my ultimate favourite character in the history of characters, Penelope Garcia the Technical Analyst (played by the earth-shatteringly perfect Kirsten Vangsness) had a little heart-to-heart with her best friend (and co-worker) Derek Morgan. Now, usually I watch these two and I think “I would love a friendship like that”. In fact, I think I’ve spent most of my life looking for one person who would give me the kind of support that those two give each other. They have incredible banter but are more than capable of having serious conversations; they trust each other and love each other unconditionally. This time I watched it and thought “wait...I have that”.

I don’t know why but I relate to Garcia pretty well so naturally when thinking about having this kind of friendship I always looked for my “Morgan”. I was looking at it wrong. When I think about it I have more in common with Morgan than I do Garcia, and the more I think about it, the more I see it – his skills, his passion, his flirtatious nature and his past. Which is sad really – and anyone who knows the show will know why that’s sad – but if you’re going to be like anyone then why not a fiercely loyal crime fighter?

More to the point, here’s what struck me. Garcia is extremely funny; very intelligent; highly skilled at what she does; independent and creative. She wears bright colours and rarely wears weather appropriate clothing – she wears what she likes and likes what she wears. She’s an actress as well as a keyboard tapping genius. She’s got a troubled past but looks for the bright side in every situation because she knows how dark things can get. If you upset her you know about it. More to the point Garcia brings light into a room and a smile to everyone’s face and she’s a Whovian.

Morgan, on the other hand, is very flirtatious; witty; loyal; distrustful; passionate about what he does and he’s a martial artist. He protects the people he cares about without a thought to his own safety; he would do anything for his friends and is very secretive about his past and will only talk about it when he has to.

If you watch their relationship you’ll see that they flirt with each other frequently; while some see their relationship as inappropriate it’s just the way they communicate and they have fun. It doesn’t mean anything other than “I’m comfortable around you ergo banter time”

Examples of their flirting:

“Derek Morgan: You know that's not my thing. I'm more for in room entertainment. 
Penelope Garcia: Well, I can't help you there. But I do give good phone.”

“Derek Morgan: Every day I say 'Good morning' and every morning you say 'I'll show you a good morning, hotstuff.'”

“Derek Morgan: Garcia, baby girl, please tell me something I wanna hear. 
Penelope Garcia: You're a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder. 
Derek Morgan: How about something I don't already know. 
Penelope Garcia: I have a sweet tooth?”

Sexual harassment is not a thing as far as they are concerned. They can talk about work but you’re damn sure they’ll be laughing and joking no matter how bad the situation, it’s just what they do. In my opinion, there is no chance of them being anything more than friends which is good because that’s how they work best. They confide in and comfort each other. She finds out things about his past and it doesn’t change the way she sees him (which gives me hope for if I’m in that situation with my “Garcia”). He knows about her life and just appreciates the beauty she sees and the quirks she has.

People who know me will have probably worked out who my Garcia is and if that person is reading this, I hope they know too. To sum up this relationship: Garcia always brings a smile to Morgan’s face and constantly (if unintentionally) finds new ways to cheer him up and she is completely ignorant to just how fantastic she is (even though she makes jokes about her brilliance). And Morgan...well, he would do literally anything to protect her. Legal or otherwise. And you really don’t want to test the validity of that unless you have a very good Doctor.