Anon hate: Cut it out!

Recently, whilst browsing around, I came across this post:

                                      Since this message was aimed at a teenager this post will be about teenagers

Now, I’ve seen this kind of thing before. Some shameful coward trolling through social networking sites looking for the next target for his/her spiteful venom. The things that get said are rarely accurate and are often laughed off because of their pathetic tone. Others, like this, actually hurt people. And usually when I see these things I am silently disgusted but this time something was different. I am sick of seeing this kind of attitude online; I’m tired of hearing it outside and I am fed up of it existing.

If someone has scars from self-harming, it should be clear that their self-esteem isn’t great so anything, like that message, said to them is going to have some kind of negative impact. But what really gets to me about this message is the claim that no one with scars will be loved. No decent, right-minded person is going to leave someone or reject them just because they have scars.

Self-harm scars are not a factor in whether I love someone or not. It’s whether they send messages like this. If you send a message like this then I do not want you in my life, in any way. People with this kind of attitude are twisted.

NEWSFLASH! Self-harming does not make you a bad person; it does not define you as a person and it definitely isn’t disgusting - the reasons behind you feeling that way are, your way of dealing with it whilst staying alive is not. That’s not to say that someone’s scars aren’t important - the scars show you there’s a story to be told. The scars tell you that this person has been pushed to their limit and they show that this person is not perfect and things haven’t been easy but they are strong and they are a fighter and they are worth every second of your time. That doesn’t mean I recommend it as a coping method, I definitely do not – each individual injury helps you cope but only for two seconds (if that), in the long run it just makes you feel worse.

“Scars remind us of where we’ve been they don’t have to dictate where we’re going”. Those words sum up my feelings on this exactly. A person’s scars, be they physical or otherwise, do not determine their life and they should not be the reason you reject someone. I know for a fact that someone’s scars can be one of the reasons you love them.

Messages like the one I showed you are often sent by people anonymously which says a lot about them. Because while they have these thoughts and they’re happy to share them, they’re too scared to admit that they are this vile because they know that for every person they send this to there are thousands of people who will see it and send them messages back and they aren’t big enough to take it.

This blog may not be my best, it may not have funny moments like I put in others, it may not even be good at all but I really don’t care. I couldn’t make it funny – I could put a long ranting list of insults up about that anon. who posted the message that inspired this but I won’t. I could say that I’m surprised he/she managed to stop dragging their knuckles long enough to learn how to use a computer, but I won’t. Messages like that one make me angry, they show the ignorance some people have about self-harm and the shallow attitude towards love. If you reject someone just because they have self-harm scars then you are not worthy of that person anyway. To the anon. who wrote that message, I hope you put all of your money on that bet because you’re going to lose.

We're swinging this way, that way, forwards and backwards over the bigoted sea!

The spotlight is always on gay people and the hard times they go through – the homophobic attacks; discriminatory laws and so on. And, while these things are problems, they often overshadow another common prejudice known as Biphobia. This prejudice presents itself in many different ways and while it can come out in the same ways as homophobia, there is a whole other culture of discrimination faced by bisexual people.

When gay people come out they are often faced with straight people stating “it’s just a phase” and while that can be hard for them to deal with, it could be argued that these statements are worse for bisexuals. Statements like “it’s just a phase” or “you’re just confused” are said to bisexuals, not only by straight friends and family, but also by members of the gay community. Being openly bisexual is difficult. If you’re male and say you’re bisexual you are immediately presumed gay and cowardly by some of the gay community and some of the straight community – this can mean that (while some argue it’s easier to find a partner if you’re bi because there are more options) it is arguably more difficult as gay guys don’t want to go out with “closet cases” and straight girls don’t want to either. For bisexual girls it’s even more complicated. More feminine girls who say they are bisexual can be seen by lesbians as “fakers” – meaning they’re only into girls when there’s a guy there to entertain. For the less feminine girls who come out as bisexual, it’s not much easier. They are instantly tagged as being a lesbian who is too afraid to come out fully and that leads to harsh treatment from many different angles.  Whilst doing a little research for this post I came across a few tweets that various people had posted and below you will see those tweets and my responses.

Response: no more or less cool than you would be if your friend weren’t all bisexual girls.

Yes, you could say it’s great he wants all his friends to be bisexual girls – it shows he doesn’t have a problem with bisexuality, that he’s not prejudiced. WRONG! This attitude can only be rooted in the belief that bisexual girls will perform sexual acts on each other for no reason other than to entertain a man. These men just see bisexual girls as live porn. There is no regard as to whether the girls will be attracted to each other; it is purely thought that they will do it because the man wants them to. This could lead into a big rant about sexism and how he only sees women as objects created with the sole purpose of pleasing him but let’s ignore that for now. This guy is as prejudiced as the one I will show you next. He may not be blatantly stating his prejudice but it is there. If he wasn’t prejudiced then why would he care about the sexuality of his friends? Why would he specifically want bisexual girls, not guys?

Response: while you’re on the internet why don’t you use it to educate yourself about Pansexuality – it will blow your teeny-tiny bigoted excuse for a mind.
Bisexual people are not “greedy” – they do not necessarily date more than one person at a time and they do not necessarily get more sex than anyone else does. They are not necessarily attracted to more people than anyone else – they merely have more variety in the aesthetic of the people they are attracted to. I’m not saying bisexuals like males and females equally, but they do like both and as such get a wider variety. The idea that bisexuals are greedy, indecisive and confused is so outdated. I honestly didn’t think people said this anymore. Surprising what Twitter can teach you. People who have this attitude – you are wrong. No discussion, no debate. Case closed, court adjourned.

Response: Incorrect! Your tweet makes no sense at all. As in if we measured how much sense that tweet makes it would register a big ol’ ZERO. What you mean is, “I would like to try having an intimate and/or sexual interaction with a female”. Your tweet does not make sense. You cannot try to be bisexual – you either are or you are not. You can experiment; try new things; see what it’s like to be with a member of the same sex; explore your sexuality and as long as you don’t hurt anyone in a bad way that’s all fine and dandy. You cannot try to be bisexual. You just can’t.

This kind of statement just fuels the attitudes of people like the guy who posted the first tweet. Due to the common occurrence of straight girls getting intimate with each other just to please men, bisexuality in feminine women is belittled and demeaned and seen as just one more way for men to be happy. Feminine lesbians get this too. This manipulation of Sapphic intimacy leads to many problems. Two girlfriends (as in, two females who are in a relationship) go out together they often get harassed by men asking for a “free show” or they ask for details of the girls’ sex life. These men think that these girls are only together for the benefit of men and that the private, intimate details of their relationship are up for public consumption just because they are two girls. Or, one thing that also happens, the guy asks the two girls for a threesome because what sexual experience is complete without a penis and his genitals?! I will say, girls, if you are curious about being with other girls – that’s cool. Just don’t call yourself bisexual. Be honest and say you want to try but you’re not sure how it’ll go. There are enough bisexual girls/lesbians who will be more than happy to help you out – trust me, I know a couple of them. But be honest about what you’re doing. Tell the girl that you’re curious do not say that you are bi because in a lot of these situations the “bi” girl turns out to be straight and this leads to a whole heap of drama. So straight girls STOP IT! And gay girls – learn the difference between a straight faker/bicurious girl and a genuine bisexual, it’s really not that difficult.

 

Response: Grow up! Seriously?! More men who view bisexual girls as sex crazed objects who will put on a show with their female friends. I do not understand why the quality of a person is based purely on their sexuality, by these guys. Honestly, I don’t get it. Please see response to first tweet. I just feel like I am losing IQ points just by trying to understand what is going on in your head.

Response: Well, it’s a different opinion from the other guys but still, wow are you stupid. A major turn off is using “your” instead of “you’re” or calling The Doctor “Doctor Who” or not liking Marvel even a tiny bit. Those kind of things are turn offs (for me) not whether she likes to bang dudes as well. Again, brain power decreases as more time is spent trying to process this.

Response: just because someone is bisexual does not mean they are attracted equally to men and women. It just means they are attracted to both. This person you’re tweeting about might be more attracted to men than women. OR, now careful this might be a bit complicated for you, maybe this person just didn’t find those girls attractive! Gasp! I know! It’s shocking isn’t it?! Oh am I being too patronising?! What a pity. I really don’t care.

This whole idea that being bisexual means you’re attracted to men the same amount as you’re attracted to women is ridiculous. Also, the idea that being bisexual means you’re more interested in guys than girls – so bisexual girls prefer guys and so do bisexual guys – is mind-blowingly stupid. But a whole big ranty paragraph can be summarised with the use of a tweet.

I believe this is my last dickfaced tweet.

Response: I honestly don’t believe that a punch in the face will make you any smarter. Doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen. Why can a guy not be bisexual but a girl can? It’s ridiculous. You sir are a small-minded idiot. It is as possible (though less common) for a guy to be bisexual as it is for him to be straight. Okay.

The above attitude could be down to the belief that bisexuals are cowardly gay people who can’t fully come out yet. This idea is blind prejudice. Someone’s not straight and therefore must be gay? No, that’s not how the world works. Bisexuality is a genuine thing, it is real, it exists so deal with it. To be fair though, prejudice isn’t totally to blame for this. This idea that bisexuals are just cowardly gay people is due to ignorance, yes, but it’s also the fault of many gay people who used bisexuality as a stepping-stone in their coming out process. Many gay people initially come out as bisexual and then later on redefine themselves as gay. This could be for many reasons. A person might do this if he/she genuinely thinks they’re bi but later realises they’re actually gay; a gay person could initially come out as bisexual in order to maintain the hope for their parents that they could still end up with a partner of the opposite sex and have the big ol’ white wedding; it could just be to soften the blow of the whole coming out process or maybe it’s a precaution – many people (myself included) believe sexuality to be fluid so some gay people could come out as bi in order to cover the bases in case they do get with someone of the opposite sex. What ever the reason is, it belittles this genuine identity to being nothing more than a service station on the road to homo-town. And I am not attacking the gay people who do this – I mean, I am guilty of doing this – I am just saying that it does some damage that needs to be fixed.  

In conclusion, bisexuality is a real thing. It is possible for people to be attracted to males and females. If someone identifies as bisexual then this does not detract from their personality or make them any less of a person than I am for being gay or my parents are for being straight. The only thing to do with bisexuality that makes you less of a decent person is biphobia. Final notes: if you are a girl (or guy) who is confused about your sexuality don’t choose bisexual as your label, don’t choose anything until you know for sure what you are because while your discovery of who you are is a great journey by using a false label you are causing problems for others. If you are a person who thinks that because a bisexual doesn’t like males and females equally, they are not bisexual – sit down and shut up. They are less bisexual for having a preference than you are less straight/gay for turning down that guy/girl who asked you out. And finally, big final statemtent – if you are a guy who thinks that bisexual girls are nothing more than your play things and that having them in your life will make you so much happier because you won’t have to pay for porn then do us all a favour: delete your Twitter account, get off Facebook, wave bye bye to the internet and crawl into a deep dark cave until you evolve into a properly functioning human.

This blog post was inspired by Lyndsey Higgins. You can find her on Twitter: @LyndseyJHiggins she’s a good laugh and follows back so go for it.

Please leave your thoughts on this topic in the comments section – I would LOVE to read them, only fair since you’ve just read mine.